From lift etiquette to budget matters, Rihanna’s slightly terrifying Bitch Better Have My Money video has taught us A LOT

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Rihanna has always had a bit of a knack for getting people talking and she’s possibly outdone herself with her truly shocking new music video.

Okay, so a song called Bitch Better Have My Money was never going to have a cutesy-themed clip to accompany it, but we were NOT expecting the footage that dropped today which has pretty much sent Twitter into overdrive.

The BBHMM vid is kind of hard to explain, but we’ll give it a try. Basically Ri-Ri, 27, sets out with two scary-looking henchwomen to kidnap a mystery blonde who they drag around with them in a trunk.

After much toying around with her, it’s revealed that Rihanna’s intended victim is actually the hostage’s other half and… well let’s just say she gets the money that he owes her back in a rather gruesome way.

Rihanna co-directed the jaw-dropping film with Megaforce and is clearly proud of it – but what have we learned from the video? These things, actually…

1. NEVER get in a lift with Rihanna

Sometimes we avoid getting the lift purely because of the sheer awkwardness that ensues in them, though there’s really no getting away from using it when you’ve got to go to the 20th floor or something. But no matter how many storeys you have to struggle up, DO NOT get in a lift with Rihanna, especially if she’s standing mysteriously next to a human-sized trunk. She may put you in it.

2. Some people still use payphones

In this mobile-dominated day and age, aren’t payphones getting a bit nostalgic? The last time we used one was to call our mum during breaktime at school (i.e. a LONG time ago), but Ri-Ri is still a fan it seems. Or not, it turns out – after using one in the vid she’s seen totally kicking off at it. Maybe it swallowed her change?

3. Rihanna has a great paddling pool

Maybe the current heatwave and DESPERATE desire to stay cool is taking over here but we’re kind of obsessed with the paddling pool Rihanna and her gang take on a yacht with them. Ri-Ri seems to be using hers as storage to keep her hostage in but we’d totally have called dibs on it ourselves.

4. Julia Roberts’ brother is the king of music videos

Recognise that policeman who drives past the girls and gives them the eye? It’s none other than Eric Roberts, aka Julia Roberts’ brother and Emma Roberts’ dad, and he’s been in A LOT of music videos now. In previous clips he’s got Akon out of prison, played chess with The KillersBrandon Flowers and been jilted at the altar by Mariah Carey. Impressive.

5. Always beware of inflatable alligators

Okay, so perhaps these are slightly less risky than real alligators, but inflatable alligators can be hiding some deadly secrets. Crafty Rihanna hides her poor hostage under the pool toy when that copper comes back again, so we’re always going to check now that there are no persons underneath any inflatables we encounter.

6. Rihanna is blimmin’ scary

Cripes, who knew Ri-Ri was so utterly terrifying? The singer handles being a gangster with total ease and it gives us chills, tbh. Remind us not to cross her any time soon…

7. Being an accountant is more dangerous than it looks

Rihanna’s enemy in the video – played by Mads Mikkelsen, star of the TV series Hannibal – is revealed to be ‘the accountant’. We always thought this was quite a safe job but this is clearly not the case. This ‘accountant’ meets a very gruesome end at the hands of Ri-Ri after messing up her credit. So if you ever pursue a career in finance, DO NOT take Rihanna on as a client.

8. Basically DO NOT owe Rihanna any money

If you do then very bad things will happen. Watch the video and see… (Be warned – it’s explicit and definitely NSFW).

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