See the pictures that ruined her life
‘How horrible is this?’ one troll posted, with another adding: ‘What the f*** happened?’
The comments are truly shocking, especially as the majority are from other women, but 23-year-old Holly insists she’s used to the negative side of fame and can cope with the cruel abuse.
‘I’ve had bullies and trolls all of my life, I’m just able to deal with it a bit better now,’ she tells us. In fact, during her school days, she revealed in her autobiography, Not Quite A Geordie, how the body shaming bullies drove her to self-harming. ‘I stared at my image for an unusually long time, taking in all my features one by one and trying to understand why everyone thought I was so ugly,’ she wrote. ‘I wished I could be thinner and prettier. The more I looked at myself, the more disgusted I became with my reflection before me. It made me so mad and I had no one but myself to take it out on.’
Now as she faces even more criticism after more surgical procedures and dramatic weight loss, in another Now exclusive Holly reflects on the highs and lows of her changing face, cosmetic surgery and life under the lens.
‘I’ve had bullies and trolls all my life’
‘I don’t look happy, do I? This is awful! I’d just discovered Live XXL black hair dye and I’d clearly cut my own fringe… I looked horrific. I think I was trying to do a sultry look and gain some confidence in myself. I was 13-years-old when I took this and it was around the time of being bullied. It was a nightmare. I’ve had bullies and trolls all of my life, I’m just able to deal with it a bit better now. My life has a lot more plus points now to the grief that I get. I’m stronger.’
‘The first time I ever realised I was overweight.’
‘My mum wouldn’t speak to us when I said I was going to do Geordie Shore, she really didn’t want me to do it, but I didn’t listen. I felt amazing, fabulous and like a million dollars on our first shoot here… and then I seen the picture. It ruined my life. This was the first time in my life I realised I was overweight and it was horrible. I look ill and disgusting. You can see it on my arms and legs… I’m twice the size of Gary. It is like body dysmorphia, except I had it the opposite way I thought I looked better than I ever did. Everything was horrific.’
Fame and shame
This was from the first night in the house and arriving there was the most terrifying thing I’ve ever done. A part of me is ashamed of this now looking back and I’d never do it again… what was I thinking? I’d had three Jäger bombs before I’d even arrived, I was paralytic and obviously I got my tits out. When the picture came out it ruined everything too. I remember walking into a supermarket and it was on the front of every newspaper and magazine. My Dad had to see it! I know people say: “any press is good press,” but it was just an awful experience.
The transformation begins
I’d started to lose a little bit of weight by this point. We’d just filmed the Magaluf special and I was feeling okay by this point. Compared to the first series I felt like a million dollars. I remember my mum bought me this Ted Baker dress for £500 and was paying it off for f***g ages because we didn’t have much money, but she thought I looked beautiful. I looked ill and awful looking at it now… my whole look didn’t match the dress.
‘All the other girls hated me.’
It’s awkward how all the girls hated me back then when we first started the show and now we’re best friends. We’ve come the full 360. I never felt like they were bullying me or intentionally trying to hurt me at the start, we just didn’t click. They just hadn’t ever been around a girl like me. I suppose I didn’t really know myself at this point, I was only 18/19. And it’s really difficult for people to understand me when I didn’t understand myself. I’ve really grown up on the show. As soon as I stated to work out who I was and be myself, everything changed.’
‘I finally felt confident.’
‘This was the first time I’d ever really felt confident in a bikini so I was just showing off to be honest. I’d just started loosing significant amounts of weight and felt good about my body. I didn’t understand any of the backlash saying I’d gone too far. It got me so angry and it was so annoying! I was weighing 9st 9Ibs and for a girl of my height – 5ft3 – is perfectly fine. I have a large rib cage too, so they’re always going to stick out. I suppose I’m either too fat or too thin, there’s nothing in between.’
‘I haven’t had much work done.’
People get very mixed up when it comes to surgery. I had my first boob job before I started on Geordie Shore and everything I’ve had done to my face isn’t cosmetic surgery. It’s all non-surgical. I had my lips done once over a year ago and people are still talking about them. It’s boring. I also had some Botox in my head because I didn’t like the way I looked when I cried on TV. I haven’t actually had that much work done.
‘We won’t make the same mistakes as Gaz & Charlotte.’
We were still together when we filmed this series but in real life it’s over now. We tried our hardest, but you just can’t have a relationship in that house. Look at Gary and Charlotte, they’ve been going around in circles for five years now and in my eyes that’s not them working. They’re still trying but they’ve never made a relationship work. We don’t want to make the same mistakes. When we first got together it was weird because I was carrying a bit of weight and he was 16st with huge muscles, but he never made me feel anything but comfortable. It’s a shame he wasn’t as perfect as he seemed. For now we’re better off as a friends but who knows?
‘It’s impossible to be 100% happy with your looks.’
I expected the recent backlash with this selfie. I knew my lips looked weird on it but I liked my eye make up so I just posted it. When I was in school I’d think nasty comments from people was the be all and end all of life and that I’d never amount to anything, but I couldn’t give a shit now. People need to talk about global warming or the environment and stuff that matters, not my lips. Looking back at how far I’ve come I am happy with my appearance now, but I wouldn’t say I’m 100%. That’s impossible. I’d like my boobs a little smaller next… but I’ll think about that one for now.