An emotional Simon Cowell reveals how losing his beloved mum Julie made him question his return to work

Simon Cowell has revealed how he struggled to return to his working life following the sad loss of his mother in July.

The music mogul was devastated when mum Julie passed away aged 89 following months of ill health and a stroke and it affected him so much that he was unsure about returning to film The X Factor, which he did just two days after her death.

‘I thought about it long and hard,’ says Simon, 55. ‘I gave myself two or three days and then…

‘I know it sounds like a cliché, but having such a strong bond with my mum meant I knew exactly what she’d have said.

‘It would have been “this is your show, you love the show, go back and do your job”. She was a former dancer, very much “the show must go on”. I think she’d have been disappointed if I’d said “I’m not going to do it”.’

It clearly wasn’t an easy thing to do though and Simon admits that he struggled at times following his loss, yet soon found that it actually helped to be keeping busy.

‘I’m not going to lie. There were times it was incredibly difficult,’ he explains. ‘But then there were other times I was able to switch my mind off and concentrate on what was happening and the contestants.’

Luckily Simon says his fellow X Factor judges and crew ‘rallied round’ and supported him through the difficulties. He also managed to maintain a positive outlook and puts this down to Julie’s influence.

‘I know I’ll miss her every day, but I also know I’m incredibly grateful to have had her,’ he tells the Daily Mail. ‘She was an optimist, my mum, and I think I’ve got that in me as well. I’m trying not to be the victim here.’

Simon is especially thankful that he had plenty of time with his mum before her passing, unlike when his father Eric died suddenly from a heart attack in 1999.

‘It wasn’t like my father’s death, which was a huge shock. I had my time with my mum to say goodbye,’ the dad-of-one says.

‘The biggest regret you’d ever have is not to have the chance to say how you feel about someone. Not that there’s ever a good time for it to happen, and it is still all a bit raw.’

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