First time festival-goer? Here's how to survive Glastonbury 2015 like a pro

When it comes to Glastonbury 2015, you’re going to need more than a pair of wellies, pop-up tent and couple of cans of larger to get you through the nightmare/festival.

So if you want to make it through the mud and live to tell the tale of your time at England’s (wetter, colder and dirtier) answer to Coachella – make sure you follow our nine step survival guide!

1. ONLY FOOLS GET FLOODED

Don’t camp at the bottom of the hill. Because, well, when it rains (which it will) that water is flooding in only one direction… and that’s towards the patch of grass you’ll be calling a bed for the week.

2. BRING THE RIGHT KIND OF BOOZE

And by that, we mean anything that’s not in a glass bottle. In order to keep the peace and sail that safety – Glasto is very GlassNO. Get your spirits in plastic bottles, cause otherwise they will be taken off you.

3. ALWAYS PACK MORE (KNICKERS) THAN YOU THINK YOU NEED

If you think you’ll only need five pairs of undies, take ten, because you never know what could happen. Take that however you please. Also, thinking of flip-flops? Think again. Function over fashion – this isn’t Coachella.

4. DON’T FALL FOR THE TENT TRICKERY

Did you see that green tent in the supermarket on sale for £19.99? Yeah, so did everyone else. So when you’re stumbling through the dark after a day of dancing trying to find yours, expect a struggle cause everyone has the same one.

5. HIDE YOUR MONEY

In your wallet, down ya wellies, hidden in a pocket back in your tent – make sure you spread your money out to ensure you don’t lose it all at once. Or spend it all at once.

6. DON’T BREAK YOUR PHONE

You know what don’t really react well with water? iPhones. So stick yours in a sealable sandwhich bag when the rain does come pouring. How will you tweet about how much fun you’re having if your phones all wet and stuff?

7. CLEANING YOUR BITS

Let’s be honest, there’s nothing appealing about dragging a moist towelette across your manky and muddy body in the morning – but it’s better than being smelly. Right?

8. FESTIVAL FOOD IS REALLY EXPENSIVE

Festivals aren’t just fun, they’re also well expensive. So shop around the various stands before parting with approximately £13,282,982 for them cheesy chips.

9. STAY SAFE

You wouldn’t randomly decide to walk home with a complete stranger late at night, so the same applies at a festival. Stay safe.

Lucretia Munro