Camel toe and bouncing breasts – marathon running is a pain for fashion
Now’s News Editor Jessica Boulton and the Now team are running the Royal Parks Half Marathon for the National Rheumatoid Arthritis Society. A plus size exercisephobe, Jess is having a panic when sherealises it’s all one huge fashion faux pas…
AAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!! It’s one day to go and the fact I’m going to run 13.1 miles has finally started to sink in.
This morning I have finally opened the map to look at the route having decided that burying my head in the sand is no longer an option.
And boy, does it look a long way!
After some mild palpitations, I’ve now spent the past few hours worrying about the biggest problem of all…what to wear?
I’m sure the running pros out there have far more important things like water balance, pedometers and the advantages of Lucozade versus energy gels to faff about with.
But I’m making no secret I’m an amateur and for me, trying to minimise how foolish I look when I come last has got to be worth a bit of thought.
Now, I’ve got a vest from our charity, The National Rheumatoid Arthritis Society, so that’s one thing covered.
BUT, after trying on my running combo for the first time this morning I realised I had forgotten to consider something very very important.
It was a basic of fashion maths. What does a short vest top plus tight running trousers equal? Yes, the dreaded camel toe.
So there I was standing looking in the mirror this morning with one day to go and all I could see was an unsightly wardrobe cock-up.
What could be worse than having tens of thousands of people laughing at me as I hobble the 13 miles?
Yes, having tens of thousands of people laughing at me as I hobble 13 miles with a giant camel toe forall to see.
Seeing as I had already spent a day training/shopping in Westfield for the largest and most flattering running trousers, I rather feel this was yet another sign that half marathons aren’t meant to be run byanyone over a size 6.
Now, I won’t lie, there was a bit of a girly strop this morning as I realised this potential pitfall.
But cue some deep breaths, a few tears and two cups of coffee, and this ‘crisis’ has now been solved by some quick thinking and a rush purchase of an extra long vest top to wear underneath.
The emergency measure means I’ve had to discard the special anti-sweat top and I’ll probably have some serious rubbing under my arms but at least I won’t make my own magazine’s worst dressed page.
One crisis over I finally had to confront another. My underwired lacy bra I’ve been wearing in training wasn’t exactly practical.
I’m not even that big and I felt like I was being walloped with two large sandbags with every footstep.
So having not been an exercise type before, I decided to invest in a sports bra.
This is not as easy as it seems.
Once more, the sports shop didn’t actually have my size, so I’ve got one a size smaller which is making me look even more flatchested than it should and rather than it being a comfort fit it was more like a battle of woman versus Lycra as I tried to get it on.
Still I guess it’s better than visiting A&E with a breast whip injury.
Having got all these sagas sorted this morning I’ve got one piece of my outfit left to sort… I need to carry my phone and some money for the bus, sorry I mean for emergencies.
And what solution has my mum suggested? Her rather dashing and eye-catching silver bum bag…
Mmm, with my time for shopping run out, maybe you’ll see me in my mag after all…
Jess and the Now team are running the Royal Parks Half Marathon on 7October on behalf of the National Rheumatoid Arthritis Society,www.nras.org.uk
To support us, Tweet your favourite running song to @nowmag or donate at www.justgiving.com/now-magazine
Thanks to www.garmentprinting.co.uk