Charlie Sheen is not a Rihanna fan...

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I’d always felt pretty sad thinking that Charlie Sheen‘s Twitter madness was a thing of the past, I quite missed Tiger Blood.

And then along came Rihanna. Or rather then along Rihanna didn’t come. The actor was out celebrating his fiancée Brett Rossi‘s birthday in a restaurant where Rihanna happened to be, and when he sent a request for Brett to meet the singer it was turned down.

Cue him tiger bleeding all over the joint (in the form of Twitlonger.)

Check out my favourite bits from his massive Ri-rant.

‘(personally I couldn’t pick her out of a line-up at gunpoint)’ Ah yes, the ultimate diss, pretending you don’t know thine enemy.

‘no biggie for me; it would have been 84 interminable seconds of chugging Draino and 
”please kill me now”
 that I’d never get back.’ I wonder why specifically 84 seconds?

‘Sorry we’re not KOOL enough 
to warrant a blessing from 
the Princess. 
(or in this case 
the Village idiot)’ Ah yes ‘the village idiot’. Insults are always better when you add a ye olde worlde feel to them.

‘you see THIS is the reason
 that I ALWAYS take the time.
 THIS is why I’m in this thing 
31 awesome years. 
Good will and 
common courtesy, carefully 
established over time to exist radically in concert 
with a code of gratitude!
’ YOU TEACH HER SOME MANNERS CHARLIE BOY!

‘I guess “Talk That Talk” 
was just a big ol lie from 
a big ol liar.’ Hmmm, you say you know nothing about the girl, but you’re dropping old album names pretty easily. Methinks the Charlie doth protest too much.

‘oh and Rihanna, 
Halloween isn’t for a while. 
but good on you for testing out your costume in public. 
it’s close; a more muted pink might be the answer, 
as in: none.’ Oh hey Regina George *waves*

‘See ya on the way down,
 (we always do) 
and actually, 
it was a pleasure NOT 
meeting you.
’ I would’ve preferred ‘It was a pleasure meeting you: NOT.’ Vintage, innit.

Love ya Charles.

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