Was the royal tour really just a royal bore for William and Kate?

When it comes to married couples the only pair I prefer to Prince William and Kate Middleton are Modern Family’s Phil and Claire Dunphy, who actually don’t exist, so well done Cambridges, you win.

And it’s this love for the glossy, wholesome pair that propels me to point out that surely there must have times when they were utterly, painfully bored during their royal tour?

Sure it’s amazing to visit Australia, and when they were meeting and interacting with the locals the couple genuinely look like they’re having a brilliant time.

But there’s a big difference in their smiles when they’re meeting people who are completely thrilled to be meeting their heroes, to the times when they’re just standing there awkwardly and having rooms of people in suits stare at them.

The pressure to look happy while everyone studies your faces, body language and hair blowing in the breeze must be annoying enough on just one official visit. But dozens back-to-back with a baby in tow? Nah-uh.

I can’t imagine anything more dull than having to traipse around official looking buildings, politely nod at portraits of official looking people and then have to make a speech about it, which has to straddle between charming and complimentary while being completely diplomatic and non-emotive.

And how about when Kate had to roll up wearing a dress her husband had just called her a banana in? That’s the royal equivalent of arriving to meet your boyfriend’s mates for the first time and have him turn around say your bum looks big. Kind of.

While I’m on Kate feeling a bit rubbish and awkward, I firmly believe that she decided to leave the fly on her nose rather than whack it off through fear that a thousand internet stories and memes would be created from it.

So Kate, Wills, I love you both – more than what I should people I don’t know, but give yourselves a holiday from smiling, snap at each other through banana insults and don’t look at another official portrait until the Queen invites you over for dinner. You deserve it. 

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