As Harry Potter star Emma Watson is named favourite to play Ana Steele in 50 Shades, I ask: Are casting directors smoking something?
It’s the fastest selling paperback of all time, responsible for rejuvenating millions of people’s sex lives – and quite possibly a baby boom.
Now as fans have finished the trilogy, everyone is waiting for the main event: The Movie.
There’s no doubt 50 Shades Of Grey will be next year’s Twilight – smashing box office records and catapulting its stars to stratospheric heights.
The battle to play the hunky Christian Grey is already heating up – with everyone from Ryan Gosling and Ryan Reynolds to Michael Fassbender and The Vampire Diaries’ Ian Somerhalder (swoon) throwing their name in the hat.
So far, so exciting.
But then, out of all the actresses in the world, who is frontrunner to play Ana Steele? Emma I’m more wooden than a forest’ Watson.
Three words spring to mind: NO FRIGGING WAY.
Ana is meant to be a young, gorgeous but naïve girl who is discovering her sexuality.
It’s a delicate balance between vulnerability and strength.
In the wrong hands (i.e. Emma‘s) she’s going to be less a 21st Century sexual heroine who enjoys a bit of kinky fun’ and more a whiny protagonist who the entire audience is desperate to give a good slap.
Many names have been banded about for the part including Ashton Kutcher‘s new squeeze Mila Kunis, Kristen Stewart, The Vampire Diaries’ Nina Dobrev and Chalet Girl’s Felicity Jones.
Mila is far too sexy and Kristen and Nina are too associated with their vampire alter-egos. Felicity could be a good choice.
I don’t think any of them are quite right, but I’d still rather sit through two hours of any of them playing the very difficult role, than Emma.
Maybe it’s just that we’ve known Emma since she was young and seeing her in such a sexual role makes me squirm, shiver, and squirm some more.
What’s more I certainly don’t want to see her trying S&M – especially with the visions of what Christian Grey would do with that Hogwarts wand of hers.
But more than that, I want to feel that I could relate to Ana – that she’s a normal girl who could have been any one of us when we were 22 (well, apart from her lack of boyfriends!).
However there’s something about Emma that means I just don’t relate to her. She’s a posh girl turned Burberry model who’s got the waif-like body of a teenager.
I want Ana to be like a girl off the street, a girl with a few curves, who is pretty without being a model…
Indeed if ITV2’s Ian Somerhalder gets the part of Christian (phwoar!) I happen to know a brunette who fills that description and will work for free…
And believe me, no one would call my performance wooden…
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