Because why wouldn't you love James Blunt?
To all my single ladies, James Blunt has a new music video out. It’s called Postcards and it’s about love.
I know, I know. You can stop throwing your pants at the telly now.
In it, certified love god James rebels against his 40 years of age (yup, that’s FORTY, sweethearts) and wears a tropical Hawaiian shirt and bucket hat reminiscent of boys in your days gone past.
Then he sings. Sings to you (and possibly the dolphins) in that sweet screech falsetto while playing the banjo.
And cruising round in a black bimmer wearing a beige leather driving glove.
Hot. (Er, not.)
So how the hell do you bag a man like Blunt?
Wear a skintight bright orange skirt and rub your sweet booty up his shiny BMW.
It’ll make him go booyakasha like a bad man.
Screw the scrunchie. When James picks you a flower you wear it in your hair like he tells you to. While rocking out in your rocking chair. Cos that’s just what we twenty-somethings do.
Don’t stress about eating in front of him. He loves it when you feast your mouth around some new-wave Wagon Wheel. Ooze that marshmallow.
Just don’t ooze it all over his BM. Jeez.
Keep your cool when you’re facing death by watermelon. If Dirty Dancing taught us anything, it was that watermelons are romantic. Don’t ruin it.
When James takes you for a spin in this – on water – look like you’re having fun. He used to be in the army. IT’S FINE.
Hide your jealousy when James chats up other beautiful women who walk past. They mean nothing to him. He still likes you.
Never ever stop puppy-dog eyeing him.
DO NOT leave his side and drive off into the sunset. This is your happy ending.
Go on. Now teach yourself!