I have very high expectations. I’m not even sorry Kimye…

Ever since William and Kate got hitched it’s been hard for me to find a wedding that I can care about. Sorry to all the newlyweds I’ve been lying to.

Such was the awesomeness of the Kate and Wills love extravaganza (oh and what an extravaganza it was!), that unless I marry Prince Harry and arrive on the back of a seahorse, nothing is going to match up to it. EXCEPT FOR KIM KARDASHIAN AND KANYE WEST.

The two have confirmed their wedding for May and if it doesn’t make a Liberace-thrown party look like a wake then I’m never watching Keeping Up With The Kardashians again. (Another lie, sorry.)

So while I’m on the subject of my huge expectations, here are five things that need to go down at the wedding of the year.

1) Kimye need to show up Bound 2 style doing it on the back of the motorbike.

2) After biking down the aisle, topless Kim is then dressed by birds and small woodland animals just like in Cinderalla.

3) North West is the ring bearer. But not just any ring bearer. She’ll be dressed as Cupid and fly towards them with a bow and arrow. I don’t know how they’ll make the baby fly, but Kanye‘s a visionary, he can sort out the details.

4) The Tupac hologram is Kanye‘s best man. Yes, that’s right, I want a best man’s speech delivered from beyond the grave. Kanye is the only person who can get away with doing this.

5) Beyonce refuses to adhere to the dress code and therefore isn’t allowed in. Oh come on, you know you want that to happen too. 

SEE PICTURES Kim Kardashian and Kanye West: A love story in pictures 

SEE PICTURES Kim Kardashian and her family’s life in pictures

SEE PICTURES Kim Kardashian Style File: The TV star and her fashion looks