We've put together an insider's guide to London for newbies Beyonce and Jay Z

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We’re overjoyed to hear that Beyonce and Jay Z are packing up their bling and moving to London. The couple are said to have snapped up a £5.5 million townhouse in West London and will soon be popping on the tube to enjoy a pint at their local – or something far more glamorous.

We thought it was only fair to offer the usually New York based megastars a guide to being a true Londoner in case they’re under the impression that living in our capital is just a whirlwind of Pearly Queens and Apples and Pears. Jay and Bey, we hope you’re taking notes…

1. However late you’re shaking you’re booty in the club, never, ever take the nightbus home unless you’re prepared to be faced with more freaks than a Lady Gaga gig.

2. If you ever find yourself waiting for a tube, Londoners find being left standing on the platform for more than three minutes an OUTRAGE. As a diva, this should come naturally to you Beyonce

3. And when you’re on the escalators, always stand to the left, to the left (but you should know that one anway, right?)

4. Acknowledging a celebrity in London is NOT THE DONE THING, so feel free to ditch your cap and comedy wig and feel safe in the knowledge you can take your jelly all over town without being harassed.

5. We know you love the British High Street Bey, but never, ever brave Primark Oxford Street without at least six of your burliest bodyguards in tow.

6. That scruffy haired guy Boris? Yeah, he’s really the actual mayor. No jokes.

7. Victoria Park? It’s actually nowhere near Victoria.

8. Eye contact is considered a form of aggression. And you thought growing up in Brooklyn was hostile, Jay

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