Kate Henry, who appeared on series 5 of the Great British Bake Off, isn't sold on Paul's shirt or Stu's hat. Oh, and there were cakes, too.
It’s odd to be watching The Great British Bake Off without the overwhelming sense of impending excruciation that came when I watched last year’s series. Instead, I have wine. (Much better).
Oh dear. Just listening to the opening music has turned me into a Pavlovian-doggy disaster. My heart has quickened, I feel a little sick. They’re kicking off with cake week. This year’s lot look a slightly scary bunch at first, but their menacing frowns soon fade and I realise that they are rabbits caught in headlights, just as we were.
I already quite like Sandy, Marie and Stu, although I’d like the latter to take his hat off. First challenge: Madeira cake. The judges are looking for a nice crack (cue inevitable sniggers). Ugne’s creation has a weird dead tree plonked on top and Stu is struggling.
Marie, Tamal and Flora’s get good comments. Alvin’s figs have sunk to the bottom and Ian’s tastes like wallpaper paste. I don’t think that’s good.
Next up is the dreaded technical – walnut cake. I hate walnut cake – sorry Mary Berry! On a side note, is Paul Hollywood’s shirt looking even tighter than normal? Ugne comes top and Marie does well again, this is looking like a breeze for the softy spoken Scottish granny – and Sandy! Sandy and her ability to turn cakes into meat pies is just hilarious, and the Internet loves her already.
Stu is still dangerously languishing at the bottom. Showstopper day looms along with a Black Forest Gateau challenge, which all seems to be going splendidly, apart from the odd addition of beetroot in Stu’s cake.
No, wait, Dorret’s cake batter looks bad – her mousse is never going to set. This is wrong, wrong, wrong. I can’t watch. Her cake literally runs through her fingers as she desperately tries to place it on a platter. Doooorrrreeeetttttt! Nooooooo. This is a disaster, Sue strategically positions herself between Dorret and the bin. Good thinking.
Aaaand here come the tears. They are mine. (It’s the wine, obvs.) It’s judgement time and Dorretts’s sloppy moment of truth is served with a chilly stare from Paul. Marie does brilliantly and is announced as star baker, Dorrett dodges a bullet as Stu goes home and takes his hat with him. Predicted winner: Tamal.
Find Kate’s delicious recipes over at katehenry.co.uk, or watch her baking a sugar-free chocolate torte below.