Invisible man Noorul vanishes on week six of The Apprentice
There have been mutterings that Sir Alan Sugar has unfairly dismissed some of the candidates so far on The Apprentice (BBC1 Wednesdays).
True, redhead HR bod Paula Jones was robbed in week four and business consultant Majid Nagra, who went in week three, seemed a nice enough bloke.
But that’s missing the point. Sir Alan has learned the rules of reality TV – keep the nutters in at all costs.
Voting for nice people, as the foolish public do on Big Brother, means your final weeks haemorrhage ratings.
Much better to have a ruthless businessman in charge of who stays or who goes. Less likely to attract the attention of the regulators than fiddling with phone votes, too.
So this week it was time for Noorul Choudhury, 33, to take that lonely taxi ride back to oblivion.
His tactic of dodging the bullet by remaining well under the radar finally got him fired.
As a science teacher Noorul is ideally-placed to explain the physics behind black holes – because he is one.
You know he’s there but you have no idea what he does and all energy just disappears into nothingness in his presence.
For once I’d admit that sheer favouritism was the only way to pick out who deserved the sack most.
Both teams, this week led by the self-confessed Big Head from Durham, Philip Taylor 29, and the world’s most aggressive hamster Ben Clarke, 22, were bursting with candidates.
All except for Lorraine Tighe, 36, who I’m going to tip to win. There you have it. A decision. How very un-Noorul-like.
Lorraine was the only one who spotted the gems amongst the dross Sir Alan instructed his teams to flog off.
She noticed that the Indian rug was worth something (£200). And just like a woman she spied a pair of vintage sandals in the mix that any fashionista would have loved.
She only missed the first edition of Ian Fleming’s Octopussy that was worth over £100. But maybe the girl’s not a big Bond fan.
But after last week Lorraine was so scared of coming over as a bossy-boots she allowed Philip to shout her down.
The rug was ‘sh*te’, he declared. ‘Nylon sh*te’.
Back in the boardroom Margaret Mountford described Lorraine as ‘a Cassandra’.
‘Do you know what that means?’ she enquired in the manner of an encouraging but nonetheless terrifying headmistress. Lorraine gulped.
Luckily it was a compliment. Cassandra was the Greek mythological soothsayer who was always right but cursed never to be believed.
The benefits of a classical education, you see. You’d never catch Margaret having to humiliate herself week in week out just to get a job.
In the end it came down to which team had lost least.
Boastful Ben, who’s showed a nice side of late, chose to bring Noorul and blameless James McQuillan, 32, back into the boardroom before dithering and electing to bring back Easter Island statue Debra Barr, 24, instead of James.
It was only ever going to go one way, despite the fact that any other week, Debra would have got herself sacked for arguing with Nick Hewer.
Noorul, the human vacuum had to go. He won’t be missed.
But Ben is severely damaged. Sir Alan didn’t approve of his indecision over James.
James liked it even less. ‘You go on about how you’re strong, how you can fight anyone, get rid of the weakest link but you showed in there that you just sh*t your pants,’ he spat at Ben back at the penthouse.
Beware the fury of a patient man.