Christmas cheer? Not from Katie Hopkins! She tells now which celebs have been naughty this Christmas

On good days she’s called ‘rent-a-gob’ and, um, on not so good days ‘the most hated woman in Britain’, so we can’t wait to find out what Katie Hopkins, 39, is actually like in the flesh. Will she be mean to us? We kind of hope so…

Unfortunately, when she arrives at our shoot, Katie – who’s married with three children, India, 10, Poppy, nine, and Max, six – is friendly, charming and completely hilarious. But when it comes to talking about the celebs who hit the headlines in 2014, she certainly is not polite.

The TV star, who rose to fame on The Apprentice in 2006, is famous for her straight-talking views on everyone from the overweight to breastfeeding mums. So who are Katie‘s saints and sinners for 2014? Well, let’s get started because she has a lot to say…

Sinners

Katie Price
I nicked her column in The Sun because she was so crap. I don’t know where she’s going to go – I can become more and more of a grumpy old woman and morph into Victor Meldrew, but her thing is looking like Barbie. Where’s Barbie going to go when she gets old? She can be Haggard Barbie for Christmas.

Kelly Brook
Ugh! She’s like Jessica Rabbit with myxomatosis with her on-off relationship with Storm Trooper or whatever he’s called. I think she does look like a chubber. I get the whole boobs thing – she’s got amazing boobs – but the rest of it? No. And there isn’t anything between the ears. If you looked through you could see the other side of her head.

Angelina Jolie
I saw the photos of her and Brad Pitt arguing on a balcony. Seeing someone who’s had a double mastectomy smoke is quite strange. The whole adopting loads of kids thing is weird as well – they’re just collecting them. They’re freaky.

Simon Cowell
For a while, he was really interesting. He was old but still quite funny, and the high trousers and low V-necks were amusing, but now he’s crossed the line. The high trousers are beyond – they’re nipple level – and the V-necks almost meet the top of the trousers. I don’t know what he’s trying to do. And Baby Eric. Eric? You can’t look into a cot at a little baby and say: ‘Eric.’

Take That
They were fine and managed to get back together with Robbie Williams.Then they lost Robbie again because he was too busy and then they lost another one randomly. Now they’re still going – the three of them. To go from five to three makes them look like they had some kind of tragic car accident that no one wants to talk about because they’re so upset.

Russell Brand
Ugh. Russell, you’re not the messiah – you’re a penis in a pair of tight jeans. I can’t stand him. He’s as welcome as thrush and equally f***ing irritating. ‘What shall I paint on my placard today? I’m thinking: “Up with Labour.” Oh, and I’m going to paint about frapping.’ Such a knob. His book’s shit, too.

Kim Kardashian
Dressing her daughter North in leather? If your mum looks like a hooker, fine. But your baby? It’s creepy. I feel sorry for North. That kid has everything she’ll want, but doesn’t have a hope. I look at kids with pierced ears and think it shows how thick the mum is.Peter Andre
I couldn’t watch I’m A Celebrity without seeing him say: ‘Let’s all go to Iceland.’ I’d like a frozen joint to club him about the head. He’s gone through phases: Peter The Six-Pack, Peter The Poor Sod (Katie Price‘s husband), Fat Peter and Skinny Peter when he split with Katie. Now he’s Man Of Iceland and this is the worst incarnation. I even preferred Fat Peter and I hate fat people.

Bob Geldof
Unbearable! Saint Bob. Where he got his sainthood from I don’t know – I think he canonised himself. The idea he can preach to us about what we should do and swear at us to: ‘Buy the f***ing record!’ is ridiculous. This whole Band Aid thing was ill-judged -the lyrics were really poor and so was the collection of people on it. Slagging off people who chose not to be on it was unnecessary, too. I wasn’t a big fan of his daughter and I’m certainly not a big fan of him.

Saints

Kate, Duchess of Cambridge
I love her. She’s the perfect princess. I think if you ask anyone sane if they’d want K-Mid’s job, they’d say no – because she’s married to a baldie and, more importantly, because she went through hell having that first baby and now she’s doing it all again. I think she’s pretty brave and really tough – hardcore. It’s hard being a Royal, but she does everything with grace.

One Direction
I like 1D because they’ve managed to stay together. It’s been a long time and their work schedule must be insane. They turn up to the right sorts of things, do the right kind of stuff and talk about loving their mums. It’s more than you can say for Take That. I expect the reality is that 1D’s lives are very difficult. They can’t really go out or find someone to be with just on the back of them liking each other. It must be so complicated.

Mel B
She doesn’t take any bull or give a toss that she comes out looking like the frumpy bird next to Cheryl. She’ll stand there like: ‘Yeah, so what I’m twice the size of her?’ I can’t understand a word she says, but I like that she hasn’t tried to change her accent. When people are being pathetic she’ll give them a good shouting at: ‘I don’t wanna hear about your sore throat, I’ve been in the Spice Girls with syphilis!’ She goes one level harder. ‘I had barbed wire in my pants!’

Mark Wright
He gets really emotional when he thinks he’s going to get voted off Strictly and it’s hilarious. I don’t wish bad things in his life, but I question what’s the worst that’s happened to him if maybe being voted off a dancing show makes him cry? You can’t not like him, but I want to toughen him up.

Charlotte Crosby
I met her at The X Factor. She’s really funny and lovely. I love her! She’s the tiniest person on the planet. She wasn’t eating anything and she was starving, so I spent my whole time sitting next to her saying: ‘Nuts, roasted nuts.’ She taught me about ‘tashing on’ – I took it quite personally to begin with, but then she explained what it meant. She was snogging her boyfriend and I was telling them off, like some kind of mother figure.

Find out what Katie Hopkins thinks of Cheryl, the Beckhams and Gemma Collins, in this week’s Now magazine dated 22 December 2014 – download the digital edition now!