If Kelly Brook could stop talking now that would be great

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When most celebs have a book to promote they go on a massive charm offensive, however Kelly Brook‘s attempts this week have been pretty, well, charmless.

From making light of domestic abuse to tweeting her boobs (twitting?), Kelly Brook, 34, is being more embarrassing than the time our mum got drunk and shouted over the fence that she fancied the neighbour.

So without further adieu, here are the five most cringe acts Miss B has subjected us to…

1. Is David McIntosh ‘The One’?

OK, so we’ll admit after seeing David on CBB, the only thing he’s The One for is the Z list, but come on Kel, he’s your fiancé which therefore means that you’re the only person in the world that needs to find him The One. ‘Sometimes I just get a bit cynical and go, “Oh, is this really The One? I don’t know”,’ she says. Awkward.

2. A Vegas elopement

Nothing cries EVERYONE GIVE ME MORE ATTENTION AND CARE ABOUT MY LIFE EVEN MORE than threatening to run away to Vegas to get married. ‘We’re going to do it in the UK. I think we’re going to do it in my house in spring next year. But we change our minds all the time. Some days we’re like, “Let’s just run to Vegas and do it”,’ Kelly says.

3. Carrying her book EVERYWHERE

Kelly, have you not heard of a handbag? It’s a savvy little invention, good for carrying your money, your lippie and your hardback autobiography. We reckon they’ll really take off.

4. Naming her boobs Grant and Phil

On Instagram Kelly shared that she was ‘feeling insecure so got the boys to back me up… Grant&Phil‘. Whenever we see Kelly‘s boobs from now on, all we’ll be able to do is picture two angry looking brothers in mechanic’s overalls hanging about Albert Square.

5. Laughing about punching her boyfriends

Now this has gone down like a lead balloon and so it should. In her interview on This Morning, Kelly giggled her way through being questioned about punching exes Jason Statham and Danny Cipriani. Sorry Kelly Brook, they may be big, strong guys, but domestic abuse is domestic abuse. Punching anyone is never a laughing matter, nor should it be bragged or laughed about.

PICTURES Kelly Brook and David McIntosh: A love story in pictures

Lauren Franklin