Lewis Hamilton's girl opens up about her battles
Nicole Scherzinger has revealed that it took a drastic wake-up call to make her seek help for her eating disorder.
The former Pussycat Dolls star suffered from bulimia for several years but kept her battle to herself until she blacked out and realised she needed to do something.
It still is hard [to talk about], and thinking about it I try not to well up,’ says Nicole, 36.
It is such a horrible paralysing disease and it was such a dark time for me. That’s why I can empathise so much with people who have demons and voices in their heads, who aren’t nice to themselves. It robs you of living your life.
I felt so alone… but I made myself so alone. I didn’t think anyone knew in my group or in my family because I hid it that well, I was so ashamed.
I had started losing my voice, I couldn’t sing at shows, and then I remember my manager finding me passed out on the floor in Malta or in the south of France.
I thought, “I’m going to lose everything I love if I don’t love myself.” One day when you feel like you’ve reached the end, you just say, “I’m not doing this anymore.”
It’s sad to see how I wasted my life. I had such a great life on the outside, the Dolls were on top of the world but I was miserable on the inside. I’m never letting that happen again; you only get one life – I was 27 only once.’
Nicole, who is once again dating on-off boyfriend Lewis Hamilton, admits she’s actually quite shy and feels proud that she’s overcome her battles.
I get past my shyness by making everything about others and not thinking about myself,’ the singer tells Cosmopolitan.
That’s what I did on The X Factor – I can be goofy and playful when it’s about the acts. They are like my babies.
But when I’m off stage I’m not as big and animated. People know they could have a pint with me, they know I work hard… but for me all my smiles and confidence are a triumph because it came from a broken place.’
The full interview appears in the August issue of Cosmopolitan, on sale 3rd July. Also available in digital edition on Apple Newsstand (https://itunes.apple.com/gb/app/cosmopolitan-uk/id461363572?mt=8)
For further exclusive content, please go to www.cosmopolitan.co.uk/scherzy
Photography by James White courtesy of Cosmopolitan
SEE PICTURES Judges Nicole Scherzinger and Gary Barlow join Caroline Flack to launch the new series of The X Factor 2013