WARNING: A TERRIFYING SWIMWEAR TREND IS NIGH (yeah, thanks for that Jodie Marsh)
Jodie Marsh has single-handedly (or should that be double-breastedly?) kickstarted a new beachwear trend, and good gawd is it a shocker.
While the rest of us have been busy mainlining green juice – and swapping Quality Streets for beets – Ms Marsh has taken it upon herself to champion a new bikini trend. Namely, the nipkini.
So-called because it’s a bikini that, well, barely covers your nip-bits, most nipkinis also come with a barely-there string bikini pant too. Or a PANini if you will.
Yes siree, Jodie Marsh‘s WOWEE bikini diary – the imaginatively entitled #JodieBikiniWatch – has swamped her Instagram feed in recent days, showcasing a catalogue of sunny beach selfies that’d make even the cheeriest of commuters do a little cry inside.
But – while Now HQ is happy that Jodie is enjoying herself – ON A BEACH, ON A MONDAY, IN JANUARY (honestly, we’re really very happy for her) – we can’t help but worry that this whole teeny-tiny-barely-there-we-can-nearly-see-nipple-bikini trend may actually catch on.
Oh cripes, please don’t let it catch on.
Jodie‘s isty-bitsy-teeny-weeny-not-yellow-polkadot-but-still-a-bikini beach towel catwalk is taking place in Barbados, where the 36-year-old reality TV star is holidaying. She uploaded a Borrower-sized bikini on Monday, writing: ‘This is the smallest bikini I own.’ Which surprised no one, ever. You can get similar styles in the kidswear department in H&M (we kid you not).
And she’s not the only celebrity who is partial to a nipkini either… Courtney Stodden, Amber Rose, Rihanna, Kim Kardashian… they’re all at it! Giving us exactly five months to get our nips n’ bits in tip top shape for summer too, right?
Granted, these stars all have cracking bodies. Yes, nipkinis = maximum sun exposure and minimum dodgy tan lines (think teeny tealight boobs, as opposed to the tradish’ big bulb’ed headlights of yesteryear) And yes, yes it’s all very cool and in-keeping with the whole nineties style revival…
… BUT REALLY? REALLY DO WE HAVE TO DO IT?