Christmas 2016... it's going to be a roller-coaster.
It’s a roller-coaster of Turkey, tinsel and weird Aunts that you try to avoid for the most part of the year but are forced to encounter on Christmas day.
Fearing loosing your mind amongst the countless Prosecco’s? (To be fair, we can think of worse ways to go…). You’re not alone- these are the 21 emotions you are bound to feel during Christmas day…
1. The ‘It’s 1am and I really should get some sleep and I probably shouldn’t of stayed for that long at the pub because now I might be more than a bit merry and I’m going to have to drink 7 glasses of water pronto because Auntie Louisa’s kids will wake us up at the crack of flipping dawn’. This stage of the festivities is often swiftly followed with the panicked chugging of roughly five pints of water.
2. *Wakes up to sound of very excited little people running around the house* *Rubs eyes* *Checks Phone* *Remembers it’s Christmas day* *Surge of unexpected but very welcome excitement*.
3. You realise that actually, although you’re a real life adult with responsibilities and all that you really wouldn’t mind everyone HURRYING-THE-CHRISTMAS-ELF-UP OPENING THEIR PRESENTS BECAUSE, HELLO PEOPLE, I WANNA CHECK OUT MY STASH!
4. *Inner hair flick*…Totally bossed the ‘disappointing-present-but-pretending-to-love-it’ face. Might have even been more convincing than 2014’s face. But never as good as 2011’s reaction- that was the real Oscar winner.
5. *Trying to summon composure* C’mon… you don’t need Santa. You’re a strong, independent woman. Although, he was pretty cool. Sigh.
6. ‘Yes mum, this is my seventh Buck’s Fizz. Yes mum, it is mixed with vodka. Yes mum, I know it’s 10am. No mum, I don’t think I should slow down and have a water’. *Hic*
7. Whilst attempting to aid your mother in the peeling of vegetable, you are suddenly overwhelmed with a strong regret for your seven (ten) consumed tipples this morning. Try and enjoy Christmas with a self-amputated thumb, why don’t you…
8. You may find yourself in a mid-morning Buck’s Fizz induced rage. WHAT DO YOU MEAN DINNER IS GOING TO TAKE ANOTHER TWO HOURS TO COOK!?
9. It’s at this point you will probably find yourself in what’s known as ‘the Christmas void’. All the kids are playing with their new toys, the festive television is yet to grace your screen and the dinner is yet to be feasted on- leaving you with absolutely nothing to do. The answer? Prosecco.
10. The naked stage. Far too merry. Will have probably have taken off clothes under the delusion that we are Kendall Jenner.
12. DINNER TIME! *Explosion of happiness*.
13. Complete and utter memory loss of every table manner ever understood. But this is the least you’d do for those pigs-in-blankets.
14. Momentary reflection on whether you’d sell Auntie Louisa for some pigs-in-blankets. Continues eating.
15. James Bond mode activated. There is absolutely no way that you’re doing those dishes. Not today, Satan. *Hides*.
18. The post-nap panic that you’ve missed the Eastenders Christmas special.
19. You totally haven’t missed Eastenders– joy to the world! Settles self in front of TV in perfect contentment- if a little hungover.
20. Gorges on cold turkey sandwiches, Strictly Come Dancing and Quality Street’s. Momentary soppy gratefulness.
21. Puts on Christmas pyjamas and bids farewell to Christmas day 2015.
Merry Christmas everyone!