The mum-of-two returned to Britain's Got Talent quickly
Amanda Holden has revealed that she returned to work so soon after the birth of second daughter Hollie because she couldn’t stop thinking about dying.
The TV star nearly died during a traumatic labour in January 2012 that left her in a critical condition, so her decision to re-join the Britain’s Got Talent judging panel just three weeks later attracted criticism from many.
But Amanda – who is also mum to 8-year-old Lexi – says she needed to get back to normal after such a tough time.
I was in intensive care for four days and almost died. I got myself home and I didn’t want to think about dying anymore,’ says Amanda, 43.
One day Lexi came home from school and was appalled I was still in my pyjamas. I knew I had to pick myself up and pull myself out of it.
My body was really swollen. I looked like a rugby player and she had seen me with tubes coming out of me. It was all really hideous.
We protected her from most of the horrors of it. But the normality for her was to see me go back to work and I thought, “I am going back.”‘
Amanda was also keen to take her baby daughter on a poignant trip to mark the place she had last felt her stillborn son Theo kick her.
The actress’s little boy tragically died seven months into Amanda’s pregnancy in February 2011.
I took Hollie to Birmingham about two weeks later. It was the last place I felt my baby son kick me, which was the 31st of January,’ Amanda writes in her autobiography No Holding Back.
On the 1st of February I was told he was going to be stillborn and I had come back from Birmingham that night.
I wanted to do that journey, coming back to the place with a baby in my arms and that is no word of a lie.
I believe in circles. I believe that was what was meant to be. I came back to where I started.’
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