Alien abductions. Stolen gnomes. The EastEnders plot isn't so crazy after all...


The world was on the edge of their seats when EastEnders appeared to reveal that JANE killed Lucy Beale. The step-mum, the everywoman, the one that no-one in the Square expected… Until producers then gave us a killer twist – and it turned out to be the kid. Oh.

Yep, Bobby Beale killed Lucy because ‘she upset everyone’. Not quite the dramatic, psycho-killer stand-off we were expecting but still a sensational turn of events.

So in the spirit of that-kid-killed-Lucy-for-no-reason-esque plots, here are six more ridiculously shocking soap storylines. Enjoy!

1. The Corrie gnome-off

Remember Derek Wilton, who was happily married to wife Mavis before deciding to lose a few pounds, buying a Mile Muncher from salesman Norris Cole and basically ruining his whole life? Yep, Derek’s wife Mavis fell off the dreaded Mile Muncher and ended up in hospital, causing a massive feud between Derek and salesman Norris. The feud escalated and Norris got his own back by kidnapping Derek‘s, erm, garden gnomes… He sent Derek fake worldly postcards from the gnomes and even a severed gnome ear with a ransom note for 50 chocolate doubloons. Derek set up a trap and waited for the kidnapper in the bushes, only to be arrested as a peeping Tom. When the culprit eventually came out, Derek purposely drove Norris to the wrong church on his wedding day, just to p*ss him right off. Probably the best whodunit we have ever seen.

2. The Colby’s alien abduction

The Colby’s, a 1985-1987 spin-off of Dynasty, was probably average at best… Until one of the main characters, Fallon Carrington Colby, was abducted by aliens in the final episode. Viewers watched in confusion and awe as Colby was flown away in a UFO – only to return to Dynasty and experience distressing alien flashbacks. Hmmm.

3. The not-so-dreamy Crossroads ending

When Crossroads returned in 2001 after 13 years off-air, viewers were expecting something seriously special. What they did not expect, after sitting expectantly through the whole season, was for the series to end by Crossroads hotel boss Angel to ‘wake up from an amazing dream that I owned a hotel called Crossroads,’ and return to her real-life job in a supermarket. SO MUCH ANGER. The show was later cancelled.

4. The even more ridiculous Neighbours dog dream

As if the Crossroads dream wasn’t enough of a farce, Neighbours dedicated an episode to the time Bouncer, the dog, fell asleep and had a dream he married the dog next door. Wait, did we mention – IT WAS A DOG?!

5. Days Of Our Lives demon possession

Remember the Days of Our Lives storyline where main character Marlena Evans became possessed by a demon with laser eyes and a suspiciously autotune-like voice, who vomited all over her fellow actors, flew, had super-strength and turned into a panther one time to attack some randomers? We do.

6. Vincent from Passions

Murderer/blackmailer/stalker Vincent Clarkson from Passions has the most ridiculous life of anyone ever. Firstly, he twice sexually assaulted his sister Fancy Crane and had an affair with Chad Harris, a guy who turned out to be his uncle. Then it turned out Vincent (the man) had been impregnated by his father, Julian Crane, who thought he was dating a lovely woman called Valerie Davis who then turned out to be Vincent in a woman’s mask, seducing his father for revenge against his estranged mother. Whaaaaat?

The EastEnders Bobby Beale plot doesn’t seem so crazy now, does it?

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Kim Gregory