The TOWIE star reveals how she lost her baby when she was 11 weeks pregnant

Gemma Collins stood on the red carpet like a zombie, her usual vivacious demeanour replaced by a blank stare, pain etched on her face.

It was the 2012 National TV Awards and people assumed the breakout star of The Only Way Is Essex was simply having a bad day.

However, there was a dark secret behind Gemma‘s appearance: only a day earlier she’d lost the baby she was carrying.

At just 11 weeks pregnant, the 32-year-old hadn’t even told close friends and family, let alone made a public announcement.

As a result, she had to cope with the physical 
and emotional pain on her own.

Complicating matters was the fact that the baby’s father was a convicted drug dealer who’d only recently been released from jail.

When Gemma speaks about what happened for the first time, it’s clear the feelings are still very raw.

She tells Dan Wootton: ‘I found it hard to go back to the NTAs this year and then everyone slated me for my appearance.

‘It dragged up a lot of memories of what’d happened the year before.

‘Me talking about this now might make people aware that it isn’t always about how someone looks.’

Gemma‘s written about the miscarriage in her autobiography, which also details her battle with self-harm after she terminated a previous pregnancy.

‘It was meant to be a Cinderella moment for me – all glitz and glamour,’ she says of the NTAs 2012.

‘But what people didn’t realise was that under 
the £3,500 vintage dress 
I was wearing, I was covered in padding and bandages because 24 hours earlier I’d been carted off in an ambulance.

‘When I look at the pic, I was dead behind the eyes.

No one knew what I was going through.’

Gemma was about 11 weeks pregnant but the father, Ben, had recently served 10 years in prison and she now says ‘it wasn’t meant to be.’

Gemma‘s book Basically: My Life As A Real Essex Girl (£12.99, Ebury Press) 
is out on 25 April.

Read more about Gemma Collins in Now magazine dated 29 April 2013 – out now!

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