Heartbroken Nicola McLean breaks down as she confesses she contemplated suicide as she struggled to come to terms with the end of her marriage

This week, Nicola McLean, 32, talks only to Now about the truth behind her shock split and confesses how the breakdown of her five-year marriage to the ‘love of her life’ footballer Tom Williams, 34, has destroyed her family and left her feeling suicidal.

Nicola confesses in our exclusive interview: ‘At the beginning of July, I wanted to kill myself. The thought of not being with Tom terrified me so much that I would rather have been dead. I’d Google how many pills I’d need to take to kill myself, then I’d think: “You’ve got the best boys in the world – you can’t leave these kids”.’

Watch Nicola’s emotional confession here

Opening up about the problems in her marriage, Nicola, who has two sons Rocky, 8, and Striker, 4, with Tom, breaks down and is inconsolable as she reveals how his emotional abuse left her mental health in tatters.

Nicola also reveals the truth behind Tom‘s cheating and why this time, her marriage is over for good. Nicola, who was anorexic and weighed just six stone when she first discovered Tom had cheated on her with a girl three years ago in Las Vegas, is now moving on with her life.

‘He’s dead to me now. I don’t even answer his messages now unless it’s about the children,’ says Nicola. ‘Things are sad, but good. I’ve done the right thing and it feels nice to not waste my days worrying about him.’

Nicola also reveals all about THAT night out with her good friend, TOWIE‘s Mario Falcone. ‘We’d been flirting on Twitter and then were at Mick Norcross’e party at Sugar Hut. He was a gentleman and gave me a lift home as my taxi hadn’t turned up.’

Read Nicola‘s exclusive interview on her marriage breakdown hell only in Now on sale Tuesday 2nd September.