Calvin Harris’ got something in those tighty whities and we’ve got a feeling it ain’t what he says it is…

This morning we woke up with Calvin Harris’s bulge in our faces.

Unfortunately, this wasn’t thanks to a night of passion with the Scottish DJ. Nor had we broken into his house, made our way into his bed and positioned ourselves in full bulge view. That’s the kind of behavior that would get us sacked. And arrested. (Actually, maybe it would get us promoted, going the extra mile an’ all…)

ANYWAY. This morning we woke up with Calvin’s bulge in our faces because pictures of him posing in his pants are all over the internet.

Yup, the fit as phwoar 31-year-old has been enlisted by Emporio Armani to sell their undies and what a fine job he’s doing. He certainly doesn’t look like he’ll be piling Nutella, jam, cream, custard and sugar on top of his pancakes today.

However, despite Calvin Harris looking totally abtastic, smoldering and god-like, there has been one thing bothering Team Now… WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON WITH IS BULGE?

Is it just us, or is there something very unnatural looking about it? Sure we know that ALL underwear models from Bieber to Beckham get some extra help in that department, but it certainly looks like the lucky so-and-so responsible for enhancing Little Cal may have gone a bit overboard.

We mean come ON, it doesn’t even resemble a penis anymore.

Here are some things that were said about his crotch in Now mag meeting. We’re very serious journalists.

‘Ew, it looks like he’s put a tangerine down his pants.’

‘Oh my god, he could club someone round the head with that.’

‘I’m moderately afraid.’

‘Someone’s using the aubergine emoji as inspo.’

‘Does he just have really huge balls? Does Calvin Harris need to have sex? Excuse me a sec…’

‘Have they just put a bike saddle on his crotch?’

‘Remember that cartoon The Raccoons? Reminds me of Cyril Sneer’s nose.’

‘Is anyone else seeing a moose?’


What are your thoughts on the strange bulge of Calvin Harris? Share them here (and make us feel less weird).

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