With the world's media desperate to find out what Kate Middleton is really up to right now, fellow mum, Louise Bennett thinks she has a pretty good idea…
As we hit day 5 of the #GreatKateWait, royal fans around the world are desperate to find out Kate Middleton‘s exact movements as she prepares for the arrival of royal baby number two. But as I went a combined total of 29 days over (yes, really!) with my two babies I can tell you exactly what’s going on behind those gates at Kensington Palace…
1. Blocking calls, ignoring Facebook and turning the telly off
There’s nothing that will enrage an overdue pregnant lady more than the constant chime of ‘Any news yet?’. It’s bad enough having to dodge the annoying texts from friends, constant posts on your Facebook wall and well-meaning phone calls, without the lenses of hundreds of paparazzi waiting for your, ahem, front door to open.
2. Sleeping. All the time
At this stage, even sitting on a pillow of fluffy kittens would be uncomfortable, but that won’t stop Kate from not even being able to make it through the opening credits of Corrie without nodding off.
3. Shopping for cheese
After abstaining from some of life’s greatest pleasures for nine months (yes, large wedge of Brie, I’m looking at you!) being made to wait an extra few days is like waiting for Christmas. But with the end in sight, an online shopping binge for stilton, pate and prawns is about as much crazy as she’ll be able to handle right now.
4. Snapping at her other half
Even the most reasonable woman on the planet will have their nerves on a knife-edge by this point. Let’s hope Wills doesn’t accidentally leave the loo seat up.
5. Changing her mind about baby names
The bookies may have slashed the odds on the latest Royal baby being called Alice, and Nanny Carole may even have started embroidering the name on a blanket for the bubba, but the frustration of going overdue means you’ll consider names you would never have thought of before. Princess Consuela Banana Hammock have a great ring to it?
6. Fantasising about non-maternity clothes
I actually used to spend whole afternoons going through my wardrobe and stroking my pre-maternity clothes #hellooldfriends
7. Swimming to forget
We already know that Kate’s been making regular visits to Buckingham palace for a dip in the Queen’s pool, if only to remember momentarily what it’s like to not feel like you’re walking with a bowling ball between your legs.
8. Eating the snacks in her hospital bag
That family bag of Malteasers you packed to have while you were in labour? Yeah, you’ve already had to replace it three times in the last two days.
If, like me, Kate has convinced herself that the baby won’t appear unless she’s alphabetised her recipe books/cleaned under the fridge/dusted the loft/ then you can bet that her Hoover is getting a major work out right now.
10. Editing her ‘birthing playlist’
She may have started out with a selection of Dido tracks and some whale music but she’s now replaced them with tracks like I Want To Break Free by Queen and Natalie Imbruglia’s Torn.