Mel B has the potential to make this the best series of The X Factor ever (if she follows my lead)
She annoyed me when she guest judged before and she’s just one of those celebs I find hard to care about. Sahreee.
But then someone pointed out that Mel is actually quite fierce, feisty and fun, and me being the fickle sort that I am immediately said: Oh yeeeessss, you’re right! How exciting!’ or words to that effect. I don’t know, I don’t record everything I say.
So now I’ve switched sides to Team Mel, here are the five things that have, must, neeeed to happen when she parks her bottom next to Simon Cowell.
1) Sorry love, who did you say you were?’ Mel once said she had no idea who Cheryl Cole was which is a pretty genius move. High five, B. If Mel could mistake Chezza for an autograph hunter for the first five auditions, I’ll set up a new religion and worship her forever.
2) Make at least 17 contestants cry with her cutting comments, including the winner on the night of the finale.
3) Have an affair with Louis Walsh. This just needs to happen, they can make a sex tape too if they like. I’d watch it.
4) Compare the worst auditionee’s singing skills to Victoria Beckham’s – with no hint of irony or humour whatsoever.
5) Force Simon to leave the stage in tears. Surely if anyone is capable of making that toughest man in TV cry it’s Scary Spice herself. so come on Melanie, show us what you’ve got. Laugh at his hair, use his high-waisted trousers to give him a wedgy, or say the word Botox’ to him, I know you can do this.
SEE PICTURES Mel C visits the Radio 2 studios in London