Cinema and mountain biking? You're honeymooners Kim Kardashian and Kanye West, not teenage boys.

They had flower walls, fireworks, Lana del Rey and private jets galore for their wedding, so I was expecting Kim Kardashian and Kanye West to be honeymooning somewhere so fancy that I wouldn’t have even heard of it, let alone be able to pronounce it.

But they went to Ireland. I’ve heard of Ireland and I can pronounce quite well, thank you very much.

When the news first broke that the couple had landed there I thought it was pretty romantic, imagining them tucked away in some big old castle all naked and newlyweddy.

And while I’m sure that naked newlywed times have been had on the Emerald Isle, they have spent a large chunk of it riding mountain bikes and going to the cinema – TWICE.

Now, excuse me, but if I ever let anyone to take me up the aisle and they expect me to straddle mountain bikes and ogle cinema screens on our honeymoon then I’m filing for an annulment there and then. Does Kanye not realise that Kim has no qualms getting a divorce after 72 days? Learn from the past, Yeezus!

Also, and I’m sure you Irish lot will back me up, it’s currently 13°C and raining in Portlaoise where they couple are staying – whyohwhyohwhyohWHY would you holiday somewhere that’ll leave you cold, damp and on the verge of flu. Unless they think water bottles are sexy.

So Kimye, I love you both but come OOONNNN and up this honeymoon ante, I was at least hoping for some naked sunbathing pics.

SEE PICTURES Kim Kardashian and Kanye West attend Met Ball 2014 

SEE PICTURES Kim Kardashian and Kanye West: A love story in pictures 

SEE PICTURES Kim Kardashian and her family’s life in pictures