Sacked from England squad, ex wife Cheryl Cole remarried. Poor Ashley Cole. Not.

It feels ridiculous to feel sorry for a highly paid footballer who famously cheated on his wife – and then was so wimpy, she had to read about it in a newspaper.

So I won’t.

But I WILL take this moment to reflect on how much Ashley Cole‘s life must suck right now.

Yes, Cheryl Cole – his one big love – has not only bagged herself a hot, rich French man in the shape of Jean-Bernard Fernandez-Versini.

But she’s so smitten with him she’s married him within THREE MONTHS of dating him. Wow, he must be goooood (FYI she was with Ash for two whole years before they wed).

Sadly, it’s the third piece of bad news Ashley has had to face in recent months.

First he was left out of the England World Cup squad in May to make way for ‘young players’.

Ashley Tweeted (in a sulky fashion, I imagine): ‘I think it best I retire from England team now … like me or not, trust me it’s hurt me to stop playing for my country.’

(Don’t weep too much, people. He’s signed a two-year contract to play for Roma in Italy. Rome is a pretty nice place to live.)

He then went on holiday to LA in June…only to end up in an almighty argument with an MTV presenter and she accused him of pouring champagne over her.

The LAPD launched an investigation after a complaint of criminal battery was filed against him.

If you were to picture your worst holiday nightmare, I think this would be right up there right?

Meanwhile, after taking time to pick up the pieces of her broken heart, Cheryl‘s career and personal life are now as rosy as the tattoo on her backside.

She has returned to the X Factor in a deal said to be worth £1.5m and has reunited with her partner in crime Simon Cowell.

Say what you like about Simon, but I’d venture he’s a great judge of character – he makes a living out of it, after all.

So, what does the man who hugely disapproved of her relationship with Ashley think?

He’s given him the big thumbs up.

Soz but not soz, Ash.

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