Gorgeous Zayn needs someone more like me

So Zayn Malik‘s latest love is quirky South Shields teen and one-quarter of Little Mix, Perrie Edwards?

I give it a month (and I’ve got good reason to do so).

Because Zayn says he likes ‘brunettes with olive skin’, his ex girlfriend is sophisticated glamour girl Rebecca Ferguson, and he enjoys listening to R’n’B crooner Ne-Yo and boy band *NSYNC.

On the other hand, Perrie used to have a crush on Zayn‘s cute blonde One Direction band mate Niall Horan, is a self-confessed ‘burper and farter’, and has an iPod full of American rock band Journey (plus, fact fans, she’s the daughter of Alexander’s Palace head-banger Alex Edwards).

Hardly a match made in heaven, don’t you agree? 

And let’s not forget that the 18-year-old Little Mix girl originally rubbished claims she was with Zayn, 19, and insisted she’s got ‘no time for romance’.

But this could be just the reason why Zayn‘s fallen for pretty Perrie.

‘I find a girl acting cool attractive,’ Zayn has previously said.

Perrie definitely falls into that category – but SURELY she’ll soon notice how devilishly handsome and heart-meltingly cute our Zayn is, and she’ll lose her cool?

Life as a One Direction girlfriend is tough – Perrie could face online abuse from fans, she’ll be fighting for Zayn‘s attention and she’ll have to go weeks, maybe months, without seeing her jet-setting boy.

And then the dream will be over.

Just look at Harry Styles, 18, and 32-year-old Caroline Flack – their 14-year age gap is surely what drove them apart in the end – they were too different.

And the pressure of Caroline‘s death threats coupled with Harry‘s heartthrob status were bound to add to the strain.

I, on the other hand, am happy to like Ne-Yo for Zayn and have always been a fan of Justin Timberlake and co.

I’ll happily keep myself busy at home (and maybe even write an interesting piece about it) when he’s off attracting girls worldwide (but obviously turning them down because he insists he’s a ‘loyal’ boyfriend).

Plus, I’m only four years his senior and really quite unthreatening (I don’t have a killer figure or incredible singing voice, a la Perrie), so I think him and I could work a treat.

Must dash – I’ve got an appointment with my hairdresser. These blonde locks are going brown.* 

*This is a joke. I’m not quite that crazy.

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Esme Riley

Twitter: @Esme88