Brace yourself, Kate! As a mum of two children under three, I should warn you that life is about to get crazy. Not even Supernanny can help you now
Dear Kate Middleton,
Right now, you’re probably basking in that post-birth glow of meeting your second born – and feeling slightly freaked out that they look so different from the first baby who emerged from ‘down there’. Weird, innit?
But as soon as Big Bro George comes toddling into the Lindo Wing to stare with a look of disdain at his new sibling, your life is going to change spectacularly.
Sure, it was hard the first time round, but now you’re an expert in all things parenting, right? Trust me, in about ten days time you’re going to want to get a time machine to give your mum-of-one self a big fat shake. ‘Oh, I’m so tired’ you’d say to your friends over a leisurely latte before flicking through the latest LK Bennett catalogue whilst George napped. Resting when baby naps? Pah! Inhaling an entire packet of Hobnobs whilst you binge on Breaking Bad boxsets? NONE OF THESE THINGS WILL EVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Meeting friends for coffee would involve jiggling a puking newborn on your shoulder whilst attempting to stop the toddler on your knee from emptying sugar packets into your friends’ Chloe handbags as they look at you in abject horror.
And this time around you’ll be sneaking to the kitchen to stuff a handful of contraband CocoPops in your face whilst George is distracted by CBeebies for a few minutes. Yeah, you’ve totally ripped up your strict rules about how much telly is acceptable. And you’ll happily hand over bars of chocolate to bribe him not to wake the baby by yelling ‘Mummy, I need a poo!’ now you’ve finally got them to sleep.
Because even though you’re lucky enough to have a team of helpers at your fingertips (are you thinking of putting Mr Tumble on the Palace payroll? It would definitely help.), I know you’re a hands-on mum and juggling breastfeeding and sleep training whilst simultaneously potty training would leave even Supernanny stumped.
But just as you feel like you’re about to remove your eyeballs from their sockets with sheer exhaustion, you’ll catch your toddler pulling a face that makes your baby grin from ear to ear and it’ll give you such a rush of pure love that you’ll find yourself thinking, ‘This really isn’t so hard’. Even if it only lasts until George pokes Baby in the eye with a crayon moments later. Good luck!
*Disclaimer – this was written whilst spooning Weetabix into the
baby’s mouth and taking part in a ‘twirling competition’ with my three
year old #livingthedream