I've finally worked out why certain men fancy Helen. She's the ultimate female caricature - breasts, handbags, and pouting

Ah, Helen Flanagan‘s Instagram account.

Constantly a source of wonder to me, it’s mainly comprised of duck-face selfies, the odd shot of an expensive handbag – and boobs. Loads and loads of boobs.

What an example to set to young girls, Helen! Yes, we should all aspire to get our tits out, pose an Hermes Birkin bag ever so subtly in the background – and take a photo of said boobs-and-bag for the world to envy over.

If you ask me, it’s saying ‘get your baps out – and you’ll get this massively overpriced bag, if you play your cards right’.

Blah, Helen, blah.

I don’t really have much in the boob department, and I don’t have a Birkin, either. So maybe I’m just bitter.

But I’m still a bit entranced by Helen. She obviously has assets that have huge appeal to men (although I’d like to think that my carefully selected boy-mates went for girls with a bit more substance. Obvs. Though their internet browsing history is obviously their personal choice).

Basically, I’m always interested in the rules behind sexual attraction.

At the end of it all, Helen‘s just a really hot girl.

There are loads of pretty girls out there. And funny, brainy girls who laugh men into bed. And a zillion who can do both.

And we can all take a sexy selfie and squish our boobs together if we try.

But – I think I’ve worked out Helen‘s particular appeal. She’s basically a cartoon. A Jessica Rabbit type (but blonde).

She even posts pics of her boobs with virtual cartoon stickery things covering them. (See my gallery above.)

Could she get any more blatant about her intentions?

I’d say, go Helen, go! Get those expensive luxury leather goods, and inspire us all… but really… NO.

If she got back on Coronation Street‘s cobbles or did some kind of acting work that was worth accolade, I might forgive her, but for now, Helen‘s cartoon persona is all that she is.

She’s a girl with expensive Bambi eyes, big boobs, and an expensive taste in bags.

And she looks good on film, like a cartoon. And I guess that’s why she’s a Nuts mag favourite…

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