Orlando Bloom taking a swing at Justin Bieber has been my favourite thing to happen this year…
…OK, I’m prone to exaggeration but it’s definitely high up on my list.
I know a lot of people want to punch Justin Bieber, but out of all the people I thought would be likely to do it, I never thought it would be Orlando Bloom, even though Justin did allegedly have dalliances with his ex wife Miranda Kerr (which she has denied). It’s just that Orlando is 37 and 20-year old Justin could still pass for 14 and chooses to wear a bum fluff moustache.
(And yes, having a bum fluff moustache is a punchable offence, but again, I never thought it would be an actual adult man to do it.)
However I can hardly contain my joy over this happening, which says a lot more about my personality that I’d usually care to reveal but oh well.
So while I’m on my Bieber vs. Bloom high, here are a few options I like to offer the man-boys for what should happen next. Us journos love a developing story.
Selena Gomez and Miranda Kerr have a fight. But none of this lame crap that their exes did. I want hair pulling, actual fist throwing and language so bad my ears cry. Oh yeah.
Orlando posts a threatening YouTube video taunting Justin. Well if anyone loves a bit of YouTube it’s the Biebs, so yo, Lando could get dressed up as a pirate and challenge him to a duel, yeah?
Justin tries to grow an actual beard to look manly and intimidate Orlando. Well we all know it would look like a baby rat attached to his face, but it would be really hilarious.
They challenge each other to a dance-off. Oh come on we need things to be a bit Westside Story, don’t we?
Leonardo DiCaprio gets involved. Eyewitnesses said he was clapping Bloom after the fight happened, we’d quite like Leo to get involved in Round 2, or at least stand on the sidelines with a towel and some water for his mate.
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