Spoiling them? Pah. What's Christmas for if not a great big fat excuse for a spendathon on your children, eh?
The average Christmas spend per child is set to hit a phenomenal £312 this year. Hoomama, that’s an awful lot of Frozen/Batman (delete as appropriate) Chinese plastic, isn’t it? What spoilt little buggers they are.
What did we get? A couple of marbles and limp tangerine if we were lucky.
Er no. As I recall, it was exactly the same as it is now. We got a stocking from FC and a few things from our list from the ‘rentals. They spent what they could afford.
And so, this year, while I’m pretty sure I haven’t blown almost £650 on my two daughters (and certainly not the £40,000 that Kim Kardashian and Kanye West have reportedly spent on North West), like Michelle Heaton and Billie Faiers, I have gone to town with presents and decorations. The tree alone made almost-three-year-old Bibi breathless with wonderment.
Each morning we’ve had the thrill of two more pieces of Playmobil from their advent calendars and we’ve all been rocking Christmas jumpers since 1 December.
I’ve barely passed a shop without picking up something I know they’ll love. So their stockings will be overflowing and the tree will look like it’s vommed up half of the Disney Store.
Utterly indulgent, yes.
But one thing I’ve learned since becoming a mum is you have to snatch the happy moments when you can. Grab ‘em. Hold on to ‘em. Instagram the hell out of them. Because those little people are only going to be wide-eyed and guileless for the blink of an eye.
I can barely remember what it’s like to have a baby in my arms, a toddler on my hip.
I’ve just recycled the nappy bin, which is a relief, of course. But it’s also a reminder of how quickly they grow. My baby girl can take herself to the toilet now. She doesn’t need me for that. All too soon she’ll be a sarky teenager barely glancing up from social media to open her stocking.
But it’s not just that.
As Claudia Winkleman knows only too well. Anything can happen. In a flash those happy moments can turn into a living nightmare.
So as well as a tsumani of presents, I’ll be spoiling my girls in another way too. I’ve got a fortnight off work with no access to email or the internet. Which means I can give them the rarest most special gift of all. My 100 per cent undivided attention. Because it’s that they really crave more than the Elsa outfit, or Buzz Lightyear doll.
So I’m going to bring my mum A-game. Want to play babies? Damn right I do. Shall we play shop? Hell yes. I’d love you to do my hair, make a godawful mess with the glitterglue or read The Tiger Who Came to Tea for the 68th time. Because for once in my life, I’m going to treat myself too. I’m helping myself to a huge luxurious dose of my children.
OMG! Kim Kardashian and Kanye West have spent £40,000 on THIS for North for Christmas