Hold off the hate mail, I bet you feel the same…

Oh to be a teen again. Remember those days when we used to wear couture clothes, go to Oscar parties and rub shoulders with Cameron Diaz…no?

Oh yeah, you’re not Justin Bieber or Selena Gomez (although, actually, if you are, probably best you stop reading now).

I don’t know about you but over the past week, I’ve grown fascinated by BieberSelena‘s extravagant romance.

After months of hiding their relationship, there was only one way teen millionaire Justin could go public with his new girlfriend: at the Oscars.

There they were, smiling awkwardly: Selena in a Dolce & Gabbana red frock; Justin in a suit with matching red handkerchief.

But instead of cooing ahh, that’s sweet’, my brain screamed: run, Selena, run’.

You see, it must be weird to date the Bieber diva. Forget teen dates of old where you’d go to the cinema followed by a McDonald’s Drive Thru (yeah, I was a cheap date), for Bieber and Selena a night out involves air kissing A-listers and pushing paps outta their way.

Instead of sitting at home writing dodgy poetry, Bieber can release a number one song about Selena. Hell, he could write her a whole album. And then go on tour with it.

And while I celebrated my 18th birthday with a Tiffany necklace from my boyfriend (later ceremoniously wrapped back up in its blue box after he dumped me), Bieber took Selena on a shopping spree…in Louis Vuitton.

I hope Selena isn’t the jealous type. Here’s a man who has been kissed by Katy Perry, frolicked in the sea with Kim Kardashian and had the nerve to ask Rihanna out on a date.

How can Selena compete with that? A mix tape doesn’t really cut it, does it?

Something else – and don’t send me hate mail Beliebers – but is he really such a catch? The ever-elegant Selena looks far too good on his arm. And she probably spent less time getting ready.

Yes, I know, it’s probably love’s young dream, yadda yadda. But Selena, I’d cut loose now while you can. Harry Styles from One Direction is much better looking. And he’s a whole ONE MONTH older.

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