Poor Alison Hammond is worried her boobs will be distracting on Strictly this weekend. This DD girl understands
Any woman with ample assests can relate to Alison Hammond‘s Strictly Come Dancing problem – how do you dance like nobody’s watching when your boobs are moving to a completely different rhythm?
Alison is facing the fear this weekend when she does the jive with gorgeous pro partner Aljaz Skorjanec. The footwork is all there with the bounce and kicks but what about the bounce in her bra?
‘It’s a great dance, it’s brilliant,’ she told Zoe Ball on BBC Two spin-off show It Takes Two this week. ‘I’m not sure I’ll do it justice. My chest keeps going up and down, so we need to come up with something to keep these babies down!’
While big boobs are something so many woman – and men – lust after with push up bras and cosmetic surgery, any woman with a chest that deserves its own postcode knows they can be a pain in the neck. Literally.
Here are 11 reasons why…
1. It’s rude to stare. We’re chatting, there’s chemistry but the eye contact is lacking because you keep glancing down. My DDs are not the windows to my soul.
2. We can’t really run. It can actually be painful. My friend wears two sports bras to work out. TWO. So pity the woman running for the bus with her arm clamped across her chest.
3. Halterneck tops and bikinis cause neck ache. They might look great and flatter your curves but you end up in pain.
4. ‘Yeah, they’re real’ as says Lucy the slut in musical Avenue Q. It’s not just guys who wonder if we’re faking it. I’ve had a new work colleague ask if I’ve had a boob job and then request to touch them.
5. Polo neck jumpers don’t work. A V-neck is the most flattering but then you risk looking like you’re trying to show off your cleavage. Dressing a large chest is like dressing a toddler – practical comes before pretty.
6. You have a built-in food catcher. Which also means you’re more likely to spill food down your top in an embarrassing fashion. Wear a low cut top to the cinema and you’ll take half your box of popcorn home in your bra. And find it on the floor next to your bed where you took your top off the next day.
7. Sometimes we’d really like little boobs. So we could wear a strappy top with a strapless bra that doesn’t resemble a hospital hoist with wire digging into your armpit.
8. Those pretty lace bras that has one hook at the back? Nope, we don’t own any of those. I recently graduated to a couple of bras with three hooks. THREE!
9. Miranda Hart explained it best when she said, ‘When I am naked in bed and I roll over my breasts clap’.
10. And when we are naked in bed, it’s doubtful we’re sleeping on our front.
11. They bounce. Get over it.