The non housemates prove they will go to any lengths to make it as fully fledged housemates...

I’ve often thought about what would happened if a bunch of masked men stormed the Big Brother house. Sadly when it did finally happen it was only to make them do a few sit ups and shout a lot. Not exactly the Jack Bauer forms of interrogation I had imagined.

It was quite amusing though to hear the voiceover say ‘Special Forces have entered the Big Brother house’ and watch as they all crapped themselves and legged it. Apart from  Marcus that is. Then again this is Marcus who has admitted to enjoying snacking on cat biscuits. Not the fish flavoured ones, that’s weird, just the meat ones because that’s OK. Hmmm.

One thing that has been proved is just how painfully desperate all of them are to be housemates. I mentioned on opening night it was like the old feature on The Word where they would kiss grannies or eat pubic hair just to be on TV. However, BB has taken it a step further with them actually agreeing to walk over broken glass to make it into the house. Both Charlie and Saffia risked the soles of their feet by completing the challenge, but surely it was obvious it was sugar glass rather than real glass? BB is not going to let you harm yourself while you’re in there. For a start the insurance bill would be far too high. Secondly they are never actually going to ride over you with a motorbike as Karly thought. The fact though they all believed it was true and were still willing to do it, in the vain hope that when this is all over they will earn a few grand from a magazine photoshoot and go to some low rent parties speaks volumes.

I had been liking Lisa until Saturday night when, as all the non housemates were being fed gruel for their dinner, she sat their surveying the situation telling them not to complain because, horror or horrors, now the housemates have a kitchen and they’ll have to cook themselves while they’re getting cold slop delivered to them. This is apparently much better than nice food. How one of them didn’t slap her when she was saying this with her stomach full up with a fried breakfast, I don’t know.

There already looks like love is in the air, although I think it may be a one-sided lust at the moment as Freddie fancies Sophie , but I don’t think Sophie is that interested. Freddie you see has already admitted that, while she is clearly not that well endowed in the brain department, he is willing to forgive her this as she is well endowed in the boob department. However, it’s her mind he’s interested in rather than her figure. A bit like me and Matthew McConaughey. I only want to discuss politics with Matthew and if he were to take his top off, well I wouldn’t even notice.

I do however like the fact that that both Freddie and Sophie had to change their names to Halfwit and Dogface to win their places as housemate. I will also refer to them as this from now on. It is the law after all.

What I don’t like though is Halfwit’s singing. It’s almost making me wish Belinda’s jazz stylings were back in the house instead. Actually, maybe not.

The bitching has already begun too with Saffia and Sophia looking like it won’t be long before they kick off. I personally am not a fan of Saffia, but Sophia,who I do like, isn’t doing herself any favours although I can understand how sleeping on the floor and not eating could start messing with your mind.

Out of the remaining non housemates I can’t decide who I don’t want to make it. I like Ciaron , Marcus could irritate everyone else, Sofia will wind up Saffia, Siavesh winds me up, Angel will get them all fit while we haven’t really seen enough of Sree and Beinazir to know what they’ll do. I’m intrigued to see who gets the public thumbs down tonight…