Shanessa and David are shown the door, but the other halfwit housemates may be going the same way very soon too.

After a lovely weekend in a field with not a wellie in sight I sat down to five, yes five, hours of Big Brother. However, I shall try and keep it brief.

First up comes the departures of Shanessa and David. Oh well. I especially loved the fact they took the news that they were going back over to the halfway house so incredibly badly.

Now I don’t like Amy, one little bit, but I couldn’t believe the way the other original halfway housemates put all the blame on her.

I didn’t like David so I’m glad he’s gone, but I think Kara Louise could have gone above Shanessa because she’s just plain boring. Shanessa would have only lasted another week anyway, but a week of her lusting after Ziggy thinking she stood a chance would have been worth it.

Then again, she did say she wouldn’t degrade herself like Amy by chasing a man on TV. That’s right she wouldn’t degrade herself on TV. Well, it’s not like she had given lapdances and flashed her lady garden or anything like that. Oh.

Kara Louise may be generally inoffensive, but I really went off her when she came out with: ‘Being a minor celebrity is owed to you because it’s so hard in here you should have fame.’ No love, you have to earn it either with talent or at least by being entertaining, which so far you’re not

Next up Liam dumps Amy next day shocker – why didn’t I go to Ladbrokes and put that tenner on? He was doing it all for her you know. Although at least he did understand that when a woman says it’s fine it’s clearly not fine. Ask my boyfriend he has learnt this fact the hard way.

I’m also concerned by Amy’s admission that she is sexually frustrated after half a day. It must make it hard keeping a job down, then again she does make money taking her clothes off, so I suppose that’s almost a prerequisite.

I can’t fathom why all the housemates think Tracey will win when she’s not exactly the most exciting housemate ever. OK, so she’s been saved from eviction, but have they not considered who she’d been up against?

Next up, I’m glad that the twins are now seen as one as that’s the way it should have been all along – even though I’ve finally managed to work out which one is which.

Finally I quite like Big Brother’s time machine, but it looks like it was made on Blue Peter in about 1973.

Oh and I nearly forgot. Brian. Naked. That is all.