Chanelle makes a triumpant return and the housemates get to see some uncomfortable home truths

The shame. The embarrassment. Oh, Big Brother you are spoiling us! Making the housemates do a quiz about the show was great. I do like a good quiz and may I say I was shit hot at it.

‘Is it kick in the nuts day?’ enquired Ziggy. Oh yes it is!

Not only was Dermot’s impression of Brian spot on, but Liam being reminded of his ‘wings of steel’ move was classic. While, Ziggy’s rightful embarrassment at his: ‘It’s not you, it’s me’ line to Chanelle was brilliantand not forgetting Amanda trying to dance in front of the screen when they showed her snogging Brian.

Good move bringing Chanelle back in for the task. Ziggy’s face was a picture. However, there was one little thing that spoilt it for me and that was Chanelle saying: ‘My agent wants to talk to you,’ to Ziggy.

It now means that I can’t decide if Ziggy really was genuinely pleased to see her, I think he was, but there’s that bit of doubt now. I can already see the ‘Our love for each other while we go on a free holiday to Barbados’ magazine cover they’ll be flogging, whether the relationship is real or not. Oh well.

Finally, Brian and Liam must never argue again. I don’t like it.

I’m sorry to say I shall now be abandoning you all. I know it’s a shock. Don’t cry and don’t blame me, it’s the fault of the Channel 4 schedulers. They only went and had BB finish one week later this year. I’d already gone and booked my holiday.

But never fear, I shall be recording it all and once I come back I shall give a full and thorough update [on BB, not my holiday that is] Oh, and if it’s any consolation I’m only going to stay in a barn in Wales with a group of friends. I’m just hoping we don’t turn out at the end of the week like this lot.