There were only two good acts in tonight's Britain's Got Talent...

Thank the Lord for Escala and Nemesis or tonight’s Britain’s Got Talent could have been the most depressing hour and a half of TV that I have ever watched.

To be honest I’m now looking forward to tomorrow night’s final because I’m getting a bit fed up of being the bad guy and slagging everyone off, but here we go, for one last time.

Caburlesque were good, but for me they were not burlesque. Dancing in your underwear and taking off a skirt is not Burlesque, so although they danced perfectly well, it just wasn’t enough of an act for me.

Madonna Decena was an OK cabaret singer, but why on earth did they have to put a picture of her two kids up while she was singing. After insisting she wasn’t begging or just a sob story, this cheap trick did just the opposite. It shouldn’t be about who has the most heart-wrenching story, it should be about who is the most talented and she isn’t.

I don’t know why Anya Sparks bothered to turn up. The reason she was rubbish was nothing to do with her size – she could have been a size zero and she would still look like a drunk aunt getting over excited on a hen night.

Diva Las Vegas just weren’t different enough, while Per Diem were just painful to watch. It was like Journey South on a bad day. I don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone leg it of stage as quickly as they did at the end. I felt sorry for them, but they were out of tune.

Meanwhile, Craig Harper was so holiday camp it hurt. I thought all acts like him had disappeared in the late 80s, but sadly not. I’m sure there is an audience for him out there somewhere, but I hated the fact he begged quite so much like he was the only person who deserved it. Of course Amanda Holden liked him – she was married to Les Dennis for crying out loud!

However, both Escala and Nemesis were genuinely talented and deserve to be in the final. At the moment I think it’s too tough to call, which makes a nice change for reality TV.