What the hell is going on in CBB this season?

January is bleak – but Celebrity Big Brother helps with that.

And especially the latest twist, which has seen the housemates handcuffed together in pairs.

TOWIE‘s Sam Faiers was chained to Jasmine Waltz until the weekend.

Now, I’m not particularly familiar with Ms Waltz, but her official blurb reads that she’s mainly famous’ for…

a) Being in some ol’ film with Paris Hilton
b) Dating Ryan Seacrest, Chris Pine, and, er, having ‘an encounter’ with David Arquette when he was married to Courteney Cox
c) Oh, and she was once accused of punching Lindsay Lohan. Nice.

Jasmine has thus spent most of her time in the house drunk, naked, and talking dirty with Dappy. Oh, and biting Lee Ryan‘s leg.

This was inbetween enthusing about finger banging’ in front of Lionel Blair (who is 82. 82, people). He described her behaviour as awful’, by the way.

Sam Faiers has had the patience of a saint in being handcuffed to naked, pissed-up, obscene Jasmine.

Watch this series, guys. It’s actual gold. And I can’t wait to see what Jasmine gets up to next.

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