I am so over Spennie and Louise - the hot new love triangle is Lucy, Phoebe and Jamie Laing

Ooh, Jamie Laing, you scoundrel.

Spencer Matthews has traditionally been the epicentre of all Made In Chelsea love shockers (and aren’t we all bloody bored of them? Oh yah. Zzzz. We all know you’ve got problems with commitment, Spennie. Move along, now).

So it’s out with Spencer and Louise Thompson (and who cares about the lame-o Stephanie Pratt and Spencer storyline, either? Duuuuuull!)

Sayonara, pug face (and we’re allowed to call Spencer that because Louise calls him that. Openly).

Last night Spennie finally took a back seat as bezzie Jamie rather naively put himself in the middle of Chelsea’s two most terrifying women: Phoebe-Lettice Thompson and Lucy Watson.

Rather you than me, dear.

You see, Jamie finally took Phoebe out on a date. They kissed. And it was kind of cute.

Until none other than snoozefest 2013 Louise called Phoebe to tell her that Jamie had spent the night with Lucy Watson a few days prior.

Now, you don’t want to cross Lucy Watson – because she will cut you down with her fembot, deadpan, scathing putdowns.

And you definitely don’t want to get on the wrong size of blonde bombshell Phoebe – or she WILL call you a ‘slut’. Repeatedly. And look all boobilicous whilst at it.

When Phoebe heard the goss on Jamie and Lucy, she turned witheringly to him and said, ‘So, you nailed a bottle of vodka. And Lucy.’

Well, she wasn’t wrong.

Now, I’m sure Jamie‘s vision of a PhoebeLucy sandwich was all lovely in his mind, but, er, eek, indeed. Not gonna happen in reality, Mr McVities. It’s got to be one girl or the other.

At some random Bollywood-themed party (someone’s birthday or something. But mostly an excuse for the girls to get their enviously flat stomachs out and look fierce in saris), a fight erupted.

After the camera panned the room to see which girl looked the best (my verdict: Phoebe), things got bitchy.

‘That was pretty slutty of you,’ snarled Phoebe at Lucy, over her antics with Jamie.

‘You’re literally the most unpleasant girl I’ve ever met,’ Lucy retorted. And then the bombshell. The OMG moment. ‘And… your nose ring looks really weird.’

Wow. If someone told me that my nose ring looked weird I’d probably cry.

‘Your dress looks tacky!’ Muttered Phoebe in retort as Lucy waltzed off into Jamie‘s arms and kissed him. Pretty smugly. And I kind of wanted to give Phoebe a hug. Nose-ringed girls of the world, unite, or something.

But the course of true Jamie Laing, er, love, never did run smooth. Like the Hobnob that his family created, it’s moreish, but bumpy, and every girl wants a bite. (Come on, it’s true. Every girl in Chelsea, anyway.)

Next week’s trailer has revealed Jamie and Lucy dating – before he starts smushin’ on Phoebe again.

Oh dear. Oh deary, deary me.

BUT I LOVE IT!

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