Jamie, make the right choice - choose Phoebe

Jamie Laing is one very confused boy.

Not only is he currently flitting between two of west London’s scariest, sweariest women, Phoebe Thompson and Lucy Watson, but he’s being totally blatant about it, too.

On this week’s Made In Chelsea he managed to switch from coupled-up dog walking with Lucy in the opening scene of the show, to kissing Phoebe in a forest and telling her he’d ‘put all [his] eggs in [her] basket’ (I bet you you would, mate) about 20 minutes later (see above gallery).

Cue many tears from Lucy. Oops. But then we found out later on that Jamie was still staying round at Lucy‘s… and the cycle of love, or more likely just shagging, continued.

Jamie just can’t choose. I think the McVitie’s heir got to eat a factory’s worth of biscuits a day when he was a kid. And now, he still wants that fix of sweet sugar (in the form of ladies).

And all at once. But that’s just not going to work, dear Jamie.

Sort it out! It’s time you made up your mind, my boy, and I can help you choose which lahhhh-vley lady to kiss on a more permanent basis (let’s not pretend the romance will last past the end of the series – it’s best to be realistic).

You need to choose Phoebe.

I’ll explain why.

She’s the female version of you.

Blonde (very, very blonde), ridiculously flirty, and a total sex kitten – you two are, like, meant to be.

OK, so Phoebe has a secret boyfriend as was revealed at the end of last night’s show but whateverrrrr. That’s easily bypassed, especially by YOU, Mr Laing.

Phoebe is the queen of the eye roll and the withering put down and she can put Jamie damn well in his place.

Plus, they have sexual chemistry which is kind of scary, considering I’m only seeing it on telly. In real life?! Yikes. 

Now, these are the reasons Jamie you shouldn‘t date Lucy. Apart from making the poor girl cry, Lucy is Spencer Matthews‘ ex.

Now, I wouldn’t normally advocate bowing down to any of Spennie‘s fighting talk – but God, am I sick of him bossing Jamie about.

He even chucked a drink over Jamie last night for touching his precious, precious Lucy (you know, the one he cheated on about fifty thousand times in the space of their short relationship).

Ouch. Embarrassing.

So make the right choice, Jamie. Steal Phoebe off her secret boyfriend, and quick!

In other news, Mark Francis had the line of the week. He hates camping, you see, and was disgusted that the boys could sully themselves by sleeping in a tent for the night… in sleeping bags.

A sleeping bag? That is one thing I could never contemplate. I once knew someone who had a sleeping bag. When I found out, that friendship was over. The sleeping bag specifically had a bag formulated for it. Can you imagine. The bag has a bag. And sleeping in… a bag?!’

I get you Mark Francis, I get you. I bloody hate sleeping bags too.

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