It's getting raunchy down in Chelsea - warning: this episode round-up contains a lot of slapping
So, last night was the penultimate episode of Made In Chelsea. Sob! Except we get an amazing finale show next week on Christmas Eve – so it’s not all bad.
And last night the Chelsea set were definitely preparing for their mistletoe snogs.
First up, the bois are having some sort of sheepskin jacket convention (and talking about girls). I’m not sure who’s the biggest loser here, but they all look like they belong on the set of Emmerdale.
Remember when Spencer’s banker brother, James, 37, was snapped on a date with Pippa Middleton in October? Well, Proudlock FINALLY asks Spencer about it.
‘Is your bro seeing Pippa Middleton?’ (Oh no he diiiiiiiiiin’t! Yeah, he did).
‘My brother quite rightly has not told me s***. So I have no idea,’ replied Spencer (with a look in his eye which says, ‘YES, YES, YES!’).
‘But say they got married,’ mused Jamie, as always on the look out for, well, money. Money is in his blood.
‘What would that make you? You could go round with a sword, and a beard. You look a bit like a Tudor.’
Spencer refused to answer. I’m pretty sure he’s been gagged from mentioning anything to do with Pippa Middleton on-screen, but that cheeky look in his eye gave the affirmative, if you ask me.
What we’d give to be a fly on the wall at the Matthews‘ Christmas dinner this year.
The boys then discuss their ‘feelings’. Which mainly involved Spennie slagging off his girlfriend, Louise Thompson.
‘I try my best to be the best boyfriend to her. I haven’t been unfaithful. God.’
Well, good on you Spencer. But Louise is crying over you in every single scene right now, mainly because you want to move in with your mates and have crazy parrrrdies without her.
You’re obviously not being the ‘best boyfriend’ right now, so shut up. And please burn those sheepskin jackets whilst you’re at it.
Next up: spanking! Yes, even in posh Chelsea, they’ve succumbed to Fifty Shades of Grey (a bit late though, eh, guys?).
Out of nowhere, Andy Jordan and Binky start having a flirt-fest.
After announcing that he is after a girl who likes ‘the same things as me – the beach and activideeeez,’ he asks Binky if she’s a ‘beach bum’.
Yes, they’re talking backsides (there are underwear-clad dancers shaking their thing in the background, may I add, in case you didn’t get the references).
Binky confirms that she grew up In Cornwall and likes swimming, and the next minute she’s on about, um, spanking.
‘Cheska loves being spanked on her sweet spot,’ she blurts out.
‘Binky, you can spank me any time,’ says Andy.
Enough of that.
For some light-hearted relief, Mark Francis and Victoria ‘Cruella de Vil’ Baker-Harber are having an evil wine tasting session for Mark‘s 50s-style pardy. Cool.
Only you’re not allowed to come dressed as, you know, that queen of tackiness, Marilyn Monroe.
‘If anyone turns up like Marilyn Monroe then I am gonna heave,’ proclaims Mark. Erm, ok then.
At the party, we learn that Binky and Andy did end up having a bit of hanky-panky (and spanky?) after their rude dinner-time chat.
Andy channels his inner Christian Grey by putting Binky in her place. He makes her feel rubbish by reminding her they are ‘just friends’ even after their sexcapade.
‘Obviously, we get on great, but…’ he trails off. Then he walks off.
Binky then confides in Jamie. ‘I feel really embarrassed by it. I’m not the kind of girl that does that.’
Sad face. Broken Binky, again. Always picking the wrong ‘uns. I hope she gets a nice man in her Christmas stocking, because she has been messed around a lot this series.
The party is rounded off when naughty Spencer does a very naughty thing and exchanges numbers with Lucy Watson behind girlfriend Louise‘s back.
Before calling him an ‘arsehole’, Lucy asks for Spencer‘s number (er, weird).
‘I know that you’re with Louise, so if you don’t want to hang out with me then that’s fine. But if you do then maybe we can swap numbers,’ she purrs, staring at Spencer over champagne.
‘Yah, I don’t see why not,’ replies smug Spenny. ARGH!
In next week’s teaser for the finale we see Millie Mackintosh slapping Spencer round his meaty chops (click though the gallery above to see action shots – they’re good), after Millie screams, ‘This is what you’ve f****** done!’
YES! So what HAS Spencer done? Will he cheat on Louise? And has he been reading Fifty Shades, too?
Wait until next Monday to see.