After calling Victoria a 'dog' last week, Millie's on the warpath again

Ooh, there’s a LOT to recap on in Made In Chelsea right now. A love triangle, disparaging references to The Only Way Is Essex, and a world-class wink.

Let’s start from the very beginning of the episode.

First up, there’s a right old love triangle going on between Sophia Sassoon, Francis Boulle and Oliver Proudlock.

Francis is currently upset because his ex-fling Sophia is seeing his flat mate, Proudlock.

Proudlock kind of stole Sophia from Francis. Oh, and Sophia blatantly still fancies Francis, anyway.

It’s generally a bit uncomfortable, especially when they keep repeatedly hanging out together.

And Francis keeps staring at Sophia. And staring. And staring (see above picture gallery). To the point that Proudlock calls Francis ‘so creepy’.

Proudlock, you meanie.

Next up, singer Gabriella Ellis has decided to take her clothes off and do some topless modelling (hands over boobs, obviously – this is Chelsea, it’s got to pretend like it’s classy).

She’s doing this because she wants ‘a complete rebrand for me… for my music’. She wants to ‘strip everything back’ by taking off her bra. Erm, no, Gabs, stop it!

This is NOT the way to get musical recognition (oh wait, yes it is…). After getting her baps out, Gabriella has a ramble about her ‘new direction’ in life.

Boring! (Nice boobs though.)

Back we go to Francis, who is forlornly drinking a Bloody Mary (subdued Bloody Mary drinking happens each episode) with frenemy Proudlock.

I really want a Bloody Mary whenever I watch Made In Chelsea, though I wouldn’t want to drink it with Proudlock, who is turning eviler by the second.

Francis, would you like to go out for Bloody Marys?

Now, to some serious bitching! YAY! Millie Mackintosh has really taken the ‘Oi, start being a bitch again’ directions that the producers (most probably) gave her, and starts on Victoria Baker-Harber again.

Victoria isn’t in the episode (she’s probably busy pruning a hedge with Mark Francis whilst cackling over champagne), but Millie doesn’t care.

‘I’d rather die than be friends with her,’ she declares.

Well, at least she has an opinion these days.

Millie‘s vitriol is not contfined to Victoria, however.

She’s also pissed off with new girl and self-proclaimed ‘player’, Lucy Watson, who’s been dating around a bit.

‘Nobody behaves like that in Chelsea. If you’re going to behave like that, hang out in Essex or something,’ proclaims Millie.

Which is obvs a thinly veiled reference to rival scripted reality show, TOWIE.

I wish Lucy would move to Essex, to be honest. She’s really annoying and keeps on upsetting gorgeous Andy Jordan.

To round off an episode of bitching and boobs, comes my fave moment. It’s called ‘the Binky winky’. See above gallery. It’s singularly the best face of the week.

All in all, an excellent sojourn through west London culture (oh, sod it, it’s just like TOWIE, but better.)

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