EastEnders' Clare uses her feminine charms on the men of Walford...

If I was a man and Clare Bates was after me I would be running for the hllls screaming.

Her methods of seduction in EastEnders are about as subtle as a sledgehammer. She appears to have learned everything she knows about pulling from bad 70s soft porn films.

Not only does she like to parade around in her smalls, she also likes to talk about them in a manner not heard since Sharon, dressed in a silk dressing gown, tried to seduce Phil over breakfast by offering him a fried slice while pouting for England.

The latest cracker came as she tried to pull Ian Beale [which also clearly shows this woman is defintely only after money. There’s no way otherwise you’d let him put his clammy hands all over you] by discussing her trip to the launderette with the following line: ‘I’m just doing my smalls. You know, bras, knickers, teddys. I’ve got loads. Well, one load actually.’

Swiftly followed by her pointing out to Ian that she was: ‘a big girl now, in all the right places.’