Despite declaring the most wonderful time of the year ‘boring’ as we start to discuss all things festive, it doesn’t take long before Alan Carr’s filled with Christmas cheer.
During our interview, Alan, 39, shares some of his most magical memories, which include waking up on New Year’s Day next to a chicken carcass, and also recreates the Queen’s speech just for you lucky Now readers in our exclusive video above…
Hey Alan, Merry Christmas!
Christmas is boring, ain’t it? You’re just with your family playing Monopoly, then you get IBS because you’ve ate too much and then you fall asleep. That’s it really. And we usually go up to Northampton for it, too.
It’s not really that bad, is it?
[Laughs] Oh yeah, it’s lovely there that time of the year. You’re basically trapped in a house with your relatives. What else can you do other than have a Quality Street?
What are you most looking forward to during the holidays?
Having a break and catching up with friends. Because I’ve been on tour for so long your social life goes to shit and the only day off you end up with is a Monday – and who wants to party on a Monday? It gets a bit tragic when you start sitting down in a Wetherspoons on your own.
When you’re on tour, what do you do on your days off?
I sort of just rest – my life’s really boring. I’ll walk the dogs, wash my clothes and get ready for the next day. The most exciting thing that’s happened recently is I watched a Come Dine With Me I hadn’t seen before.
Do any of your Chatty Man guests send you gifts?
Gok Wan always sends me something from his range, which is nice because he knows I suffer from feminine bloating. [Laughs] Sometimes he’ll send an Activia yogurt, too. Kylie Minogue always sends me something – she’s a sweetheart. She sends me socks and bed linen – she’s like my fairy godmother. When you’re Alan Carr you get freebies like this!
Who would you love to come on to the show next year?
Ooh, I’d love Prince Harry. I just feel like… he hasn’t got a partner, same sex marriage is all in and he should just marry me actually. Of course! Do you reckon maybe he’s scared of you? Well, I once saw him at a party and pulled him on top of me while gyrating. Maybe he is terrified of me!
Will you be watching the Queen’s speech?
I do watch it, but I don’t remember anything she ever says. She’s not very controversial, is she? It’s like Skype. You start scanning her house to see if she’s left anything out, like a board game.
How do you think she could make it a little more exciting?
Maybe this year she could drop a rhyme and rap? Or wear something backless with side boob – that never hurt anybody. I’d watch that. The trouble is, when you get that slump after your Christmas dinner I don’t know if I’d be aroused.
Maybe you could Sky+ it?
Are you trying to get me to say I want a wank over the Queen? I want a knighthood, thank you!
Er, OK! Do you get excited about celebrating New Year?
Yes – now that’s exciting! I once woke up on New Year’s Day in a stranger’s house in Brighton with a chicken carcass next to me. I don’t know if I ate the chicken or got off with it. But you know when you just wake up face down on a carpet with greasy fingers? [Er, not really, Alan!] Well, I put the chicken in the bin, tried to find my shoes and walked home. All I remember is the clock chiming at midnight and I was in a corner shop. But if you can’t let your hair down and get off with a carcass on New Year’s Eve, when can you?
*To read our full interview with Alan Carr check out this week’s Now
*Alan’s DVD Yap, Yap, Yap! Live is out now